Inasmuch

But for you

2012-02-10T09:47:00.001-06:00

Conditional

Fearing

the Son
Promises of the

Sun Rising

in Goodness

Perfection

Rightness

Healing

Helping

FREE

Joy

Leaping

Dancing

Fearless

Fullness

Skipping

Singing

Overflowing

Child-like

at last.

Joining in with the whales and stars

2012-01-28T15:48:00.001-06:00

Poems and thoughts from Louie Giglio, 9/22/2011 @ The DesiringGod National Conference

"This world is messed up at an amazing magnitude." -LG

Crying.
Sing a new hallelujah.
Reach across the table.
Reach across the ocean.
Reach to my neighbor.
Can I, when I don't know what to say?
When she has hurt me so much?
When I have done this?
May your blood drop into the hard soil of her heart,
soak in,
break up the clods,
so roots can sink in,
yes, so
gospel roots can sink in and
grow.
and flourish.
Tears that sing of his faithfulness.
Tears that sting of brokenness.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Worship happens wherever God is.

The ripple effect of Grace.

We are not all here at our leisure
But under the mandate of the grace of God.

The Universe's primary function is to
give
praise to
God.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Wrecked, and not put back together in a simple form or fashion." -LG

Whoa is me, I am lost.
Wrecked, deep. Done.

Wrecked by sinful condition
Searing grace of God
To hear the question
"who shall we send?"
"Send me."

Light steps
miles- coming quietly
never still and shining
brilliant, wading deep in the
song of glory to the one who sees

Who reaches down this city
Unconditionally this day
Who breathes this family
Sets in place this body
People for this time.

the community

2012-01-17T22:04:00.002-06:00

“A thing is right only when it tends to preserve the integrity, stability and beauty of the community; and the community includes the soil, water, fauna and flora, as well as the people.” - Aldo Leopold, A Sand County Almanac, 1949 (Via Friends of the Mississippi River, pic from National Wildlife Foundation).

Oh, Aldo. Sometimes he just hits the spot. I've got the broad community of soil, water, fauna and flora on my mind as I just returned from a refreshing weekend with new friends; folks who are passionate about Jesus and restoring creation. It was a privilege to spend the weekend in Northern Michigan at Au Sable (and to be a member of the Grad Fellows program this year) and to get into deep conversations about research, outreach, physics, networks, and of course, porcupine poo. Hurray for snow- hikes and cross country and a night of broom ball under the nicest pole barn I've ever been in! I'm brimming with thanks to our Creator, who designed us for rich fellowship like this! I feel reinvigorated to fight for the things that preserve communities, as Aldo says, and I'm thankful to know other fighters-- to be reminded I am not alone. Praise to the one who made this wondrous world and cares deeply about all of its inhabitants.

Merry Christmas

2011-12-29T13:06:00.000-06:00

What says Merry Christmas Better than a Broccoli lute?
Big Broccoli Ocarina:Angels We Have Heard On High (by Heita3)

Division/Never Let Me Go

2011-12-22T09:34:00.001-06:00

Nameless guilt

hangs over every lyric.

She acknowledges,
and yet another

would not touch it, living on the cusp

raging wanton lust against a burning front.

All I can think of; peacock feathers, fireflies

proof in my mind.

But his, besides

is the love of his lover, the acceptance, the forgiveness

the conscious-numbing divide.

Perhaps it is all too well

Christmas is a reflection of the fall

a draught of religious fantasy

combined with consumerist orgy.

Failed market systems still sell well.

I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry.

I’m sorry that this brokenness leads to vengeance.

I’m sorry your turning has hardened your heart’s yearning.

I’m sorry that I am a poor ambassador, and the steeple’sdoor

has clanged shut

Shutting you out.

A love letter of judgment.

Bent,

un-condescendingly,

When the One you ought to know condescended so breathtakingly.

He humbled himself, taking on Flesh.

And, to the point of Death.

He it is, I yearn, for you to know.

This Christmas I pray His love would be shown.

to you.

So your P.h.D. theories

would tremble beneath

the weight of His glory.

So your excuses and bitterness

would melt

from the heat of His brilliance.

So your distance and this divide

would be bridged byHis Coming.

Blood-shedding Love rumbling across the centuries
“born for such a time as this” and yet has never heard.

This Christmas I pray for providential hearing.
Not just for him, but for all divided from Him.

Diminishing Returns

2011-12-13T15:22:00.002-06:00

I'm struggling not to drink the diet coke next to me right now. Should I just take a nap? The law of diminishing returns says I should... and that through taking breaks, naps, and getting at least 8 hours of sleep, productivity increases (such as reaction time) are measurable. I think I should employ this technique of "renewal" breaks between 90 minutes of work as I start full-time thesis work in the coming weeks! And the renewal part is key- doing something refreshing, like a walk or run outside, jump roping or swimming could potential renewable opportunities...

From the Harvard Business Review blog (by Tony Schwartz):

How to Accomplish More by Doing Less

Two people of equal skill work in the same office. For the sake of comparison, let's say both arrive at work at 9 am each day, and leave at 7 pm.
Bill works essentially without stopping, juggling tasks at his desk and running between meetings all day long. He even eats lunch at his desk. Sound familiar?

Nick, by contrast, works intensely for approximately 90 minutes at a stretch, and then takes a 15 minute break before resuming work. At 12:15, he goes out for lunch for 45 minutes, or works out in a nearby gym. At 3 pm, he closes his eyes at his desk and takes a rest. Sometimes it turns into a 15 or 20 minute nap. Finally, between 4:30 and 5, Nick takes a 15 minute walk outside.
Bill spends 10 hours on the job. He begins work at about 80 percent of his capacity, instinctively pacing himself rather than pushing all out, because he knows he's got a long day ahead.
By 1 pm, Bill is feeling some fatigue. He's dropped to 60 percent of his capacity and he's inexorably losing steam. Between 4 and 7 pm, he's averaging about 40 percent of his capacity.
It's called the law of diminishing returns. Bill's average over 10 hours is 60 percent of his capacity, which means he effectively delivers 6 hours of work.

Nick puts in the same 10 hours. He feels comfortable working at 90 percent of his capacity, because he knows he's going to have a break before too long. He slows a little as the day wears on, but after a midday lunch or workout, and a midafternoon rest, he's still at 70 percent during the last three hours of the day.
Nick takes off a total of two hours during his 10 at work, so he only puts in 8 hours. During that time, he's working at an average of 80 percent of his capacity, so he's delivering just under 6 ½ hours of work — a half hour more than Bill.

Because Nick is more focused and alert than Bill, he also makes fewer mistakes, and when he returns home at night, he has more energy left for his family.

It's not just the number of hours we sit at a desk in that determines the value we generate. It's the energy we bring to the hours we work. Human beings are designed to pulse rhythmically between spending and renewing energy. That's how we operate at our best. Maintaining a steady reservoir of energy — physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually — requires refueling it intermittently.
Work the way Nick does, and you'll get more done, in less time, at a higher level of quality, more sustainably.
Create a workplace that truly values a balanced relationship between intense work and real renewal, and you'll not only get greater productivity from employees, but also higher engagement and job satisfaction.
There's plenty of evidence that increased rest and renewal serve performance.
Consider a study conducted by NASA, in collaboration with the Federal Aviation Administration, of pilots on long haul flights. One group of pilots was given an opportunity to take 40 minute naps mid-flight, and ended up getting an average of 26 minutes of actual sleep. Their median reaction time improved by 16 percent following their naps.

Non-napping pilots, tested at a similar halfway point in the flight, experienced a 34 percent deterioration in reaction time. They also experienced 22 micro sleeps of 2-10 seconds during the last 30 minutes of the flight. The pilots who took naps experienced none.
Or consider the study that performance expert Anders Ericcson did of violinists at the Berlin Academy of Music. The best of the violinists practiced in sessions no longer than 90 minutes, and took a break in between each one. They almost never practiced more than 4 ½ hours over a day. What they instinctively understood was the law of diminishing returns.

The top violinists also got an average of more than 8 hours of sleep a night, and took a 20-30 minute nap every afternoon. Over a week, they slept 16 hours more than the average American does.
During my 30s and 40s, I wrote three books. I sat at my desk each day from 7 am to 7 pm, struggling to stay focused. Each book took me at least a year to write. For my most recent books, I wrote in a schedule that matched the great violinists — three 90 minute sessions with a renewal break in between each one.
I wrote both those books in six months — investing less than half the number of hours I had for each of my first three books. When I was working, I was truly working. When I was recharging — whether by getting something to eat, or meditating, or taking a run — I was truly refueling.
Stress isn't the enemy in the workplace. Indeed, stress is the only means by which we can expand capacity. Just think about weightlifting. By stressing your muscles, and then recovering, you gradually build strength. Our real enemy is the absence of intermittent renewal.

On Hydrology and Expectant News

2011-12-06T13:32:00.001-06:00

Lord, to unload the load
that is lording over me
weight of weight
I see less clearly
I see confusion, joy
it’s clear water mixed with clay, you know that turns murky
when you’ve got the current’s velocity
pushing, pulling, transporting sediment
what it’s meant
to do, of course, but
the roots are too few
to hold the particles together
there’s only inches of bluegrass
and a lot of melting weather

so we’ve got a flood on our hands
(our stained hands)

we need a flood from our hearts
(river of Living Water impart)

we need to be washed in wisdom
(not conformed but transformed)

we need to be overlowing in love
(Your bloody love).

Apart from You, woe.
I am lost.
I am undone.
Tossed in confusion, shifting tides;
springs of salt and freshwater combined.

Apart from You, whoah.
I don’t know what to think.
I’m excited for her, doubled in joy.
I’m broken for her, soul destroy.

Oh, my brokeness
I share it with You
to You it’s nothing new
And I lay it down.
And I lay down her’s too.
Not in apathetic resignation, not in giving up
Not in condemnation, shutting up
But in resolution,
on You I will not doubt
For You can make ALL THINGS NEW.
You can do the impossible.
With You it is not done until it’s done.

Living on the edge of a darkness

2011-12-02T08:56:00.001-06:00

He.                                          (We call you He but what pronoun will suffice?)
He uses.                                   (What can defy Him to be used?)
He uses weak vessels.              (What design, beyond comprehension.)

This I can feebly proclaim.
This I can verily say.
He just did it again today,
and I marvel.

Laying a burden heavy on my heart,
that was not lifted until I prayed aloud with a dear sister,
and then getting a note that confirms and thanks me for my petitions!

He knew I needed a note of encouragement, to keep walking in this darkness.
It has felt so dark lately. Constant ups and downs. Weariness.

And now tears spring as His ways seem so much higher than my ways,
His plans so much vaster than my pains.
And it is in weakness I walk and constantly tripping over cracks and sidewalk doubts
Slip and ice and slothfulness,
Oh, but,
This I know,
He uses weak vessels,
Though He doesn't have to, He chooses to.
He chose me.
Not based on anything I've done or do.
Or ever will do.

Rest in this, refresh in this.
Be still.
I will, by His grace, I will.

Story of grace

2011-11-28T12:47:00.001-06:00

When discouragement sets in: finals, a big paper looming, a job search, and the battle to be content in all circumstances...I gotta look up and sing the story of grace.

One way ticket to a lion's den
Got to go through the fire so I can come out again
Fight for my faith, live what I believe
Stand on my feet and sing, oh I will sing,

Jesus, you've called me friend

Jesus, you've made me what I am

Yet in my weak frame I'm calling out Your Name
Broke my heart with Your love, God I will love you the same
Forgiven notions I am brought to my knees,
The story of your grace fills me with the theme,

Jesus, you've called me friend
Jesus, you've made me what I am

Jesus, you're my life within
Jesus, you've called me friend

I will by the light of the glory you shine on me
I will be the grace that you offer so freely

-United Pursuit Band

The Inner-View (?)

2011-11-11T07:00:00.000-06:00

I've just entered the position of applying for jobs (and frustratingly finding they are already filled, sigh).
The funny things is, the resume and application is just the first step. They are created to get you an interview. And then, depending on that view-into-you-- (is an interview really an inner view?) there might be a job offer.

This exciting and challenging process has got me keen on ways to market and promote...myself.
I found Seth Godin's business and marketing blog an asset in this new goal, and his article on
whats-the-point about interview questions intriguing and helpful to ask myself.

Can you really figure out these things from a half hour with a person? Do you really understand who they are, and how they can contribute? Perhaps. Especially if that person is comfortable and confident in selling themselves (or, rather, letting their best shine through, which is how I am trying to look at it!)

What good interview questions are actually trying to discover

How long are you willing to keep pushing on a good project until you give up?
How hard is it to get you to change your mind when you're wrong?
How much do you learn from failing?
How long does it take you to learn something new?
How hard is it for you to let someone else take the lead?
How much do you care?

The rest is merely commentary, either that or they're interviewing you for a job that's not as good as you deserve. For those jobs, the only question they're really focusing on is, "will she fit in around here?"

The New Economy

2011-11-09T10:29:00.003-06:00

I can't attend this lecture today, but I would be interested more of what Chris Farrell ahs to say. I enjoy his program on MPR and am excited about the idea of a new economy that would shift the American eye from blind consumption to asking the question of what is real joy and happiness. How refreshing.

The Frugal Future

Frontiers in the Environment seminar by
Chris Farrell, Economics Editor, "Marketplace Money," American Public Media
Yogi Berra famously quipped, "It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future." But Farrell is willing to predict that, over the coming decade, the rise of the mobile Internet and the push for sustainability will transform the economy, driving the next wave of creative destruction (economist Joseph Schumpeter's phrase for the process by which new technologies, markets, and organizations supplant the old). For too long society equated living better with owning lots of stuff, much of it bought on credit. We always knew that wasn’t quite right—that what gives us real joy are experiences, learning, creativity, spirituality, friends and family. The promise of the new economy is the opportunity for a life made better not by ownership but by greater flexibility and meaning.

(https://events.umn.edu/The-Frugal-Future-013797.htm)

Thoughts on the 99% - Occupy Wall Street Movement

2011-10-26T14:28:00.000-05:00

(http://hereandnow.wbur.org/2011/10/13/occupy-wall-movement)

I just read this insightful article by Chuck Bentley. It's a full-on Biblical perspective look at some of the issues regarding the occupy wall street movement. The movement has been discussed in my classes (except hydrology, unfortunately!) and among my peers at school, many of whom want to join in demonstrations and agree with the sentiments expressed.

The take-home message for me is that people are crying out for justice, although their idea of the way to get that justice (through the government) will not actually be able to bring about their desired change-- only a heart change in Jesus can possible make (1) people love God more than wealth (2) want to love the poor and give away their income to help the needy (3) deal equitably and justly with others.

Some main points from Chuck's article:

1. Protesters are angry at greed. (RIGHT ON. Greed is a destructive sin. But can you make it illegal? You need a heart change).
     A. This anger leads them to conclude that the government should redistribute wealth (some issues here, including past governments built on communist principles).
     B. Greed is a close sister of envy. (A heart change is needed here, not legislation.)

2. Protesters want the wealth gap closed.
     A. We need to take care of the poor. (Yes, please!)
     B. Again, the government that should take care of the poor, not you or me.(Is the government capable of meeting everyone's needs? Should it be?)
     C. How can you achieve fairness and equality through this legislation? (A heart change is needed).

3. No one cares about the "little people," the 99% of us.
A. Again (again!) the government will bring about equality for the majority of the population.

4. These are inherently value-laden demands, and often in the secular space of government religiously value-laden legislation has been outright rejected. Acknowledging and openly discussing the values behind legislation is important.

5. This is not just people whining about the lack of sharing. This is a deeper movement and will not just fade away quietly.

Do you think Bentley is right on, or missing the point? And what do you think about Occupy Wall Street? Are you following it, or ignoring it? Do you think we will remember it in 1 year-- or 10 years?

=====================================================================
From: http://blog.crown.org/ by Chuck Bentley

I think we should pay attention to the Occupy Wall Street protests.

If you’ve been watching the news reports of these protests, you know that their demands are all over the map, and few people are taking them seriously. That is a mistake.These protesters are being dismissed, chided and mocked by political conservatives. A very popular financial advisor challenged them to get a job and get rich in order to join the ranks of those they are protesting against… as if getting rich will make greed decrease. Really?

I think all of this is the wrong approach.

Their choice of government over God reveals a dangerous fissure growing in our nation. And Christians need to respond appropriately. A broad demographic but relatively small base of our population is in the streets chanting in favor of placing government in control of matters that have historically been dealt with in the realm of personal responsibility based upon a strong adherence to Judeo Christian values. Who would have ever thought that in the land of the brave and the home of the free, with nearly 75% of the population identifying themselves as Christians, citizens would rally in favor of an agenda so flawed.
I’ve been taking note of the reasons given for the protests, and I think they boil down to three general complaints. Let’s look at each issue in turn.

First, they are bothered by greed. According to the demands of the protesters, the greedy corporations and individuals (the so-called “1 percenters”) need to give more of their wealth in taxes to fund government programs for the benefit of everybody else (the “99 percenters”). Sounds fair (to them), until you examine where this philosophy will ultimately lead us.

In nations where this financial fairness doctrine has been fully implemented, it has led to human slavery and untold suffering. In the countries that I’ve visited where government operates according to the views of Karl Marx, the citizens would more likely protest against it, but they are not allowed to do so. How could anyone in our country embrace something so disastrous, you might ask?

The answer is, they’re confusing government with God.

Logically, you can accuse a corporation of being mismanaged, but not of being greedy. Greed is a problem within the heart of a human. As for the greed of individuals, which certainly is a sin, it cannot be legislated away. The protesters should abandon their desire for communism and espouse one of God’s key financial principles, that we should avoid greed and love people more than we love money or possessions.
Instead, their solution is twisted and based on another sin—envy. This approach would have the government take from some to give to others on a fair and equitable basis. How unlikely is that? How has it worked in countries that have embraced it?

Two wrongs still do not make a right. Which is worse, greed or envy?

How is wanting what others have any less a sin than loving money or possessions? The Bible makes no such distinction. In fact, abstaining from envy or covetousness is one of the most overlooked of the Ten Commandments: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor” (Exodus 20:17 NIV).

For the record, refraining from greed is not one of the Ten Commandments, although the Bible certainly declares greed to be a sin: “The greedy stir up conflict, but those who trust in the Lord will prosper” (Proverbs 28:25 NIV).

I always thought that was an odd way to make the case against greed; that “the greedy stir up conflict”. Seen within the context of the Occupy Wall Street protesters, it makes perfect sense. Greed has stirred up conflict. It is a problem. But what are the protesters missing? It’s the knowledge that a change of heart is the only way to effectively deal with the problems of selfishness and exploitation.

The next thing on the protestors’ agenda is closing the wealth gap. Let’s put that in a biblical construct as well: caring for others less fortunate than us. This, too, is one of God’s principles—that we should give to the poor. It is our responsibility and privilege to give to meet the needs of others. It gives our life meaning and significance.

The protesters, again, put their faith in government to carry out the need for a generous spirit in our culture. They would force the redistribution of wealth through taxes, regardless of the spiritually detrimental effect this has on all parties. What sounds “fair” is truly fair in this respect—wealthy and poor alike lose their desire to be productive. Equality achieved to everyone’s loss! When the culture of a meritocracy is eliminated, history shows that it leads to fewer benefits for everyone, not more.

The desire to love others and care for the poor can only come from a spiritual transformation—a realization that Someone else loved you first, and gave you the greatest gift imaginable—forgiveness of your sins and a new life through Jesus Christ. Read through the Parable of the Good Samaritan one more time (Luke 10:25-37 NIV) and look for the government’s role in this story. You won’t find it. No, I don’t think the government is capable of meeting everyone’s needs nor should it be.

And finally, there is this business of the 99%, the idea that the “little people” have no voice and no one caring for them. Well, it’s another of God’s principles that He will provide for us, that He will hear our prayer and that He will never leave us or forsake us. In God’s kingdom, there are no little people… or big people either.

Again, instead of encouraging faith in God, the protesters are encouraging folks to become more dependent on government which can never meet their spiritual needs, and increasingly, not even their physical needs.
More than that, God has always used the small and the weak to do mighty things. Each person is capable of making an enormous difference in the world when we walk by faith and place our trust in Him.
We need to hear their misguided pleas and take them seriously. The protesters are advancing an ideology, a philosophy that if adopted, will be the downfall of the freedoms that made America the greatest nation in history.

If the Occupy Wall Street protesters sincerely want to see greed decrease, the wealth gap closed and have the voice of the “99%” heard, they need the good news of Jesus Christ. In Christ we find peace, contentment, and joy in serving the needy. That allows us to celebrate, not denigrate, those who merit the rewards they have earned.

You and I need to be the salt and light of our time leading America towards a revival. The gospel leads to freedom, while a misplaced dependency upon government leads to slavery. The protesters and America need God, not more government.

Now for my sobering warning -

I hazard to guess that these same people would rail against any legislation that is based upon biblical values, such as laws against same-sex marriage or to protect the unborn or to uphold the death penalty, but they have no problem forcing their beliefs on Christians with the full power of the government. Their confusion of government for God has the potential to produce incredible division and strife in our nation.
I believe these folks will likely go home during the coming winter months, but will be back in force as the presidential election approaches. The coming year promises to be a turbulent one as economic pressures, competing beliefs and the need to make hard choices all collide. Look at Greece and prepare—for the same civil unrest you see there now could happen here in America.

Now is the time to start our own movement to combat the hollow and deceptive philosophy of man. We must infiltrate the ranks of the lost with the Good News of Jesus Christ.

$ustainability: Green roofs in Minneapolis and Hope for the Future

2011-10-25T09:25:00.000-05:00

(http://www.kestreldesigngroup.com/)

Yesterday in Community Economic Development, our guest speakers included a green roof promoter and an architect. It was a really interesting conversation between an advocate, a designer and finance-focused students. Our instructor asked us the questions, "should we be pursuing sustainable design at all, or is it just a sexy trend?" My insides balked at this question! How could you call something as crucial as sustainability merely a trend? My natural resource management sensibilities were outnumbered in that room of urban and regional planners and public policy analysts, however. And I had to admit the truth that sustainability is often defined as "everything that is good."

The economic angle counters that "it is only good if it is financially feasible." That is a true, albeit limiting, statement. The crux seems hangs on how we can call something financially feasible when we don't account for the externalities (or impact costs, as someone called them), and if we aren't factoring in the subsidies that are underneath finical calculations of fuel costs? The argument is more complex than calculating cost and expected savings, yet that is necessary to do. Is the 7-year payback on the Target Center green roof too long? For a developer or private company, it is. For the City of Minneapolis, with their long-term ownership and stake in storm water mediation, it isn't. (There's also a host of other benefits that went along with it, like workforce training). The total cost of the green roof includes eliminating one life cycle on the Target Center roof-- so replacement will come in 40 years instead of 20. That's substantial.

Overall the conversation was a little depressing. Most of the time, sustainability is not financially feasible (without incentives, cost share, subsidies etc.). I am used to more warm-and-fuzzy sustainability conversations. So I browsed to find out more information and eventually found a Green roofs project compendium open-source website and the latest solar decathlon winner (the U entered in this a few years ago, it's a neat competition held in DC to encourage residential solar innovation).

The University of Maryland's winning project, the "Watershed," is an example of technological and design innovation. I'm excited about these technologies taking off...and hopeful that they will. I recently visited northern Minnesota, where an environmental learning center had newly installed solar panels, vacuum water-heating tubes and wood biogasification to replace their natural gas and petroleum heating sources. Sustainable things like this can and do happen- it's not just a fad or anomaly. I would argue that they need to happen more so that sustainability isn't an after thought, but an essential element to any fiscal policy, development or planning process.

grace

2011-10-03T10:21:00.002-05:00

sister says: love me.
dad says: love me as i am.

she says: this is a demand.
he says: this is a plea.

daughter, you have been so loved,
when wretched, hopeless, darkened, blind
when disdaining Me, My enemy
when weak and confined

yet in My deep mercy I called you
even then I sought you
with great love with which I loved you.

I loved you.

your family will fail you.
your friends will disappoint you.
I will never fail.
I will never leave you.
I will always be with you.

Singing....

        Marvelous grace of our loving Lord, 
	grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt! 
	Yonder on Calvary's mount outpoured, 
	there where the blood of the Lamb was spilt.

	Grace, grace, God's grace, 
	grace that will pardon and cleanse within; 
	grace, grace, God's grace, 
	grace that is greater than all our sin! 

        Sin and despair, like the sea waves cold, 
	threaten the soul with infinite loss; 
	grace that is greater, yes, grace untold, 
	points to the refuge, the mighty cross. 
	(Refrain) 

	Dark is the stain that we cannot hide. 
	What can avail to wash it away? 
	Look! There is flowing a crimson tide, 
	brighter than snow you may be today. 
	(Refrain) 

	Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace, 
	freely bestowed on all who believe! 
	You that are longing to see his face, 
	will you this moment his grace receive? 
	(Refrain)

Call & Response 1

2011-09-20T23:15:00.000-05:00

Calamities (including the wind)
I am content with them Everything will be made new, from rubble to wrinkle, stumps to scars
Calamities (including dearest friend's departures)
I am content with them And day and night the saints praise him together
Weaknesses (such as stammering and failure)
I am content with them It is not words of eloquence, but the cross; foolishness, a blockade
Weaknesses (such as lacking a post-grad plan, no job, no PHD, post-doc)
I am content with them I am content to wait on the Lord

Some trust in degrees
Some trust in titles
Some trust in 401(k)s
Some trust in wealth
Some trust in 'having just enough' tomorrow
Some trust in physique
Some trust in charm
Some trust in rings
Some trust in good works
I will not trust in ......
I will set my hope in You

I say this with remorse
I say this with apprehension
(I don't say it at all)

Can I hide under the shelter of Your wings? That is where you rest
Can I lay my hand on your solid foundation? I will never change
Can You show me my adoption certificate? Chosen daughter, bought with a price
Can You show me that I am Yours? You are sealed with My Spirit

Love like a...

2011-09-08T20:54:00.000-05:00

I'm overflowing now, just typing words right into the night.
The footballers are balling. My to-do list is calling.
The bee-sting is still swelling. Thoughts welling.

Thoughts about new technology,
Androids and iphones,
Always connected, but never really knowing.
Seeing the updates and moving on to the next newsfeed.
Wandering rabbit trails,
It's glued to my hand now, invisa-shield and all.
Is it a time-saver delusion or obvious inefficiency?

I'm still burdened by lists and expectations,
Self-righteous proclamations
And worrying and wondering what others think.
Stop.
Drink.

When you're overflowing, when the words are coming,
they don't have to be perfect, so full of meaning.
A depth beyond believing.

Girl, you are just learning.
Just living.
Just a 27-year-old breathing.
Waking up each day.
And failing.
Not saying the right things / waiting impatiently.
Judging / rehearsing the debt in my head.
And, oh, that uncertain future.
Instead of rehearsing the truth!
Instead of the good news.
Switch.
Repent.

Rehearse, speak, live and believe the Truth.
His hands set you free.
His blood washes you clean.
His love is so full right now, for you, even you.
It's bursting.
It's like a mango dripping down your chin,
as you stand and laugh and bite in again.
It's the warmth of a wool yurt and a fire,
the feeling of being home
and safe
and known.

Food Citizens

2011-09-07T11:54:00.001-05:00

Fred Kirchenmann is someone I really respect. I heard him speak once, and I remember re-reading my notes and just being in awe of his prophetic and visionary words about our food system and being food citizens. (If you eat, you're a food citizen!) He just got a fancy award (article here) for his hard work.

He says about the future food system, "This will need to be a food system that functions more like wild nature, which operates on sunlight, and on self-renewing and self-regulating biological synergies. This means that everyone in each local ecosystem - farmers, researchers, politicians, consumers, ordinary people - will need to become engaged as 'food citizens' to design food systems that function well in these new circumstances in each watershed."

Here's another quote from the article: "My father somehow understood that the devastation of the Dust Bowl was not just about the weather, but also about the way farmers farmed, and he was determined that, 'That was never, ever, going to happen to his land again,'" he said. "So he inculcated a land ethic in me at a very young age. Later when I first entered a career in higher education, I was introduced to organic agriculture by a student of mine and based on research he had done, pointed out to me how dramatically soil health could be improved with good organic management practices. That eventually led me to decide to go back to our farm in North Dakota to convert it to an organic farm to restore the biological health of our soils." That's a cool combination of wisdom, values, heritage, all of which he applied through his life.

I want to be like that.

Fred spent time with the lovely Leopold Center and currently runs the Stone Barns Center for Food and Agriculture in Pocantico Hills, N.Y, where I hope he continues to make a big impact on our needy world.

A new call to Trust

2011-07-12T14:29:00.003-05:00

Trust Him, that words will come.

Trust Him, every tear is bottled.

Trust Him, that no stroke of the pen is wasted, it is living and active, it will accomplish.

Trust Him, that suffering is building endurance, character, and hope.

Trust Him, when words fail and apologies are needed.

Trust Him, for wrongs of omission and choosing.

Trust is needed

as steps of faith

follow an unseen Shepherd
down a narrow way.

Trust Him,

when Kijabe wind sweeps

dust into crevices [weaknesses]

I'd rather leave untouched.

Trust Him with seeing.

Knowing,

where am I going that lacks your breadth, height, depth?

Amidst itching, grief and confusion,
pity at suffering

and anger at injustice,

You are near.

Humbling critics

2011-06-14T00:48:00.003-05:00

Writing a proposal allows me to find out how poorly I write. In an earlier draft I wrote that the “results found that xxx.”

Which made sense to me, in my head…and luckily my adviser and reviewer extraordinaire pointed out “results don’t find. Researchers find or results show.” Of course! Got it. On to another humbling track changes comment!

(And there is no point in scrutinizing this blog post for good writing, or any of them for that matter! This is a critic free venue! Not that I disdain the critics or the edits. I need them. They just sting. A bit. And was over-achieving, I would grab Peace Like a River and take solace in a quote from Swede about writing and critics to share with you...)

Putting Everything

2011-06-03T16:12:00.002-05:00

Most men are not satisfied with the permanent output of their lives. Nothing can wholly satisfy the life of Christ within his followers except the adoption of Christ’s purpose toward the world he came to redeem. Fame, pleasure and riches are but husks and ashes in contrast with the boundless and abiding joy of working with God for the fulfillment of his eternal plans. The men who are putting everything into Christ’s undertaking are getting out of life its sweetest and most priceless
rewards.

J. Campbell White Quoted in When the Darkness Does Not Lift.

Still.

2011-05-23T14:04:00.005-05:00

'Be still my soul' and Isaiah 40:27-31 are the themes of my heart right now. It feels like I've been carrying a burden of sadness, even amidst much birthday joy and school progress. And most of the sadness comes from thinking I know what is best, and feeling disappointed when it isn't being delivered in my time table! Oh, help me to patiently wait.

Isaiah 40

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and speak, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord,
and my right is disregarded by my God”?
28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.....
31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength.

Be Still, My Soul

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

A true happiness.

2011-05-12T08:13:00.001-05:00

I've been realizing, through my reading, through friend's facebook posts, through conversations- I've drifted from the basics. Maybe due to business, neglect...laziness. But this quote in my email this morning was refreshing.

What else does this craving and this helplessness proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself. -Blaise Pascal

I feel like my needs are manageable, and that I can manage them! Oh, how wrong I am. My needs are never-ending. Now that the semester is finished, I don't feel as happy and content as I thought I would! I am still discontent. Let this dis-contentedness drive me to the Source that can fill me- the only unending and unchanging Source of joy.

Redeemed only by love

2011-04-22T11:07:00.001-05:00

I take literally the statement in the Gospel of John that God loves world. I believe that the world was created and approved by love, that it subsists, coheres, and endures by love, and that, insofar as it is redeemable, it can be redeemed only by love. I believe that divine love, incarnate and indwelling in the world, summons the world always toward wholeness, which ultimately is reconciliation and atonement with God.
-Wendell Berry

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

2011-04-18T22:38:00.002-05:00

“There is a difference between American and Latvian women.”

Really? “What it is it?” I wondered aloud during my weekly ESL conversation.

“Well,” began my friend, with his Baltic accent, “It is that American women, and even Russian girls who have been here for awhile, seem to disrespect men.”

“Oh.” I nodded my head, with a slightly furrowed brow.

This isn’t everyone, he assured me, but as I thought more about it, I thought to myself “it’s most of them.” And I am a guilty party. I’ve ridden the current feminism for a long time, and it isn’t entirely in vain. Men can abuse and oppress and disrespect women. But it goes both ways, and female disrespect seems to be a more subtle and culturally acceptable behavior- in fact it’s common. Whether it’s an eye-roll, a condescending remark, or blatant criticism, I’ve heard it, and I’ve done it.

This has just got me thinking…and realizing I am imperfect and failing- and need to confess, repent, and accept forgiveness. This also makes me want to have a renewed, redeemed, reclaimed vision of what a man is, and I want to respect it. I want to honor God in all my attitudes and actions, including respecting men. Even respecting men who are not worthy of respect, and doing so not out of manipulation or solvency, but out of obedience. For Christ’s sake.

I long to see more expressions of true manhood, with men fulfilling living out their maleness for God’s glory! (Same for females, too.) But a godly guy- a real leader- kind of makes a girl’s heart melt. It’s kind of the feeling that…this is the way it’s supposed to be.

Suffering

2011-04-04T13:43:00.004-05:00

There is in every life a cup of suffering. Jesus Christ referred to His agony in the Garden of Gethsemane and at Calvary as His cup. And had it not overflowed with His life poured out for men, we would have perished.

What a picture of my Master, sharing the wine, the very life blood of His own suffering from His overflowing cup, poured out at Calvary for me. He is there with me in every storm. My Shepherd is alert to every approaching disaster that threatens His people. He had been through the storms of sufferings before. He bore our sorrows and was acquainted with our grief. And now no matter what storms I face, His very life and strength and vitality is poured into mine. It overflows so the cup of my life runs over with His life...often with great blessings and benefit to others who see me and stand up so well in the midst of trials and suffering.

A Shepherd Looks At Psalm 23, by Phillip Keller (p. 123-124.)

Music of the Dance

2011-03-17T22:49:00.012-05:00

For roommate night, we enjoyed the Northwestern College Faculty Artist Series, and heard Flutist Michele Frisch and her ensemble with Harpist Kathy Kienzle, the 'Bell Alma Duo, perform a wonderful show. Operatic, ballet and dance music by long gone composers was re-invigorated and sometimes re-arranged for flute and harp (with special guest viola). It echoed through Nazareth Chapel and inspired the words below...and we topped off St. Patrick's Day night with Shamrock shakes. Bravo!

Mario Broeders, Three Pieces for Flute and Harp

Marble blushes

with the thought

that marble's maker

should be sought

sold, traitored, hung.

Marble's maker crushed

and life re-begun.

Serge Prokofiev, Morning Serenade (Aubade) from the ballet Romeo and Juliet

I sing in the morning,

I dance,

spring up though one sleeps

veiled in cold death.

Through her window, does her heart beat to my song?

I am greatly distressed,

she does not join me,

'ere long,

never to join again.

Aram Khachaturian, Adagio of Spartacus and Phrygia, from the ballet Spartacus

Led down long and dusty path, minutes left.

Longing, violence awaits.

These hands shackled,

oh but to- would it be better?-

I shudder the thought but fear your fate

my love, my love.

I see her no more
and quietly plot

stoic face until my jailer rewards himself with a draught,

and slashed, his head

hangs, where is she stayed?

Find her I must- help!-

Cloaked, with bribe money spent,

and another fool lays dead.

And my beloved in my arms,

we are fled.

Alexander Glazunov, Petite Adagio from the ballet the Seasons

Blessed bliss of seasons turne

Forgotten not the summer lark song,
Along side a frost-bittten burn,

Which winter's shade shall spurn,
Then, wings to spring and mark,

summer's fern.

When autumn komt,
Ich weiss nicht vergessen,

Red leaves and crisp air press in

to escort the frost, the ice, the snow

the clouded sky, the north country blow,

for surely waiting brings blessed fruit,

and from deepest sorrow shoots happy root

All bourne from Creator's lute.

Joseph Lauber, Quarte Danses Medievales, Op. 45

Such a clarion call

to beauty's spell

a chill in the air

yet spring's blossom smell

assures self of hope

'neath the March of snow;

of life beyond death's hold,

of a perish-less frame beyond this decay,

of unstained garments beyond this day's pains.

M. Roesgen-Champion, Danse Rituelle

Silver wand,

mirth maker.

Golden bow,

earth shaker.

You hum and resonate,

you call and herald fate!

(Is this not heaven, endless tunes to praise His name?)

Manuel de Falla, Spanish Dance No. 1 from the opera La Vida Breve

Her heart, broke.

She died.

I hope he carries that

grief all the days of his life.

Wo to the man

2011-03-08T16:31:00.000-06:00

Happy 100th Anniversary of International Woman's Day! Last year I attended an event for International Woman's day the theme was on women and water. This year the theme was 'women and hunger.' I attended an "Interactive Hunger Banquet" sponsored by Oxfam. I went with two great friends and even saw previous professors and my old boss!

A highlight was hearing a Haitian farmer share her passion for self-sufficiency related to food. Jacqueline doesn't want handouts, she wants partners. She wants Haiti to be independent from Foreign aid. I was struck by how crazy it would be if Canada or England had many workers across Minnesota giving us grants and providing food and medical services. What are the effects of dependency, when capacity isn't built for locals to do it themselves? It's just deeper spirals of dependency.

Jacqueline started a farming cooperative that works together to take care of each other and improve the land. (And this is SO NEEDED for a nation such as Haiti- the statistics are unfathomable).

The broader plea was for women to be at the center of any food solution (as primary food growers and preparers.) Leaving women out of that discussion is disastrous. And often, due to lack of education and political powers that be, women aren't in the discussion.

The Hunger banquet was interesting. We (along with the majority of other young folks) were in the 60% "poor" group. We sat on the floor and ate a meal of unseasoned rice. 25% of the "middle class" sat in chairs and ate a meal of beans and rice. And 15% of the "rich" ate at tables and had salads, bread, and pasta. We literally left the banquet hungry*! But the impression was made. We are among a privileged who live in abundance. And I am grateful. I want to live in a way that recognizes this- that isn't gluttonous, but strategic. And I want to serve in a way that empowers farmers like Jacqueline- I want my nation to give aid in that way- and doesn't trap people in cycles of dependence.

I think Oxfam's work, especially on a political/policy level is important. But this talk encouraged me to keep moving towards working with development and bringing real change to people's livelihoods. Perhaps with Food for the Hungry or ECHO, or Care of Creation... groups that are combining the daily bread we need to conquer hunger with the deeper, spiritual bread we need to be truly satisfied.

*Note: We also promptly used our blessed resources to buy frozen pizzas and french bread and chocolate and feast together :)

O, You lead me to waters

2011-03-07T09:23:00.007-06:00

Your heart,
headwaters
of mercy.

Source, unseeable,
unsearchable depth.
Breadth.

This origin of love, generating living waters.

Overflow, cascade, oceans.

Amongst-for-within, and without,
Covering.

Inspired by Sunday's Sermon (John 7:53-8:11).

Learning & re-programming

2011-02-18T10:12:00.001-06:00

I’m learning right now that there isn’t a right answer for some things. (Particularly related to monitoring and evaluation tasks within project management.) There are better and worse ways, but, generally, not black and white “right or wrong” ways. Really? You mean, I just have to do it? And probably mess up? Because there isn’t a formula, or written procedure? Srsly? Yup.

And I’m being reminded that adults don’t have the answers. I am an adult now, and have been legally for 8 years. But there was still some college age “expectations” I could slide by under. Graduate school has raised the bar—you can’t get away with the same stuff (like not reading your assigned readings) by just wearing the college student label. Now I’m watching my dear friends get married, have children, and have more children. And they are still just like me- they haven’t magically received this adult instruction manual, or better yet, a lightning-bolt-word from God (At least that I know of!)

It’s just so different than I thought things were when I was a kid. I am the first-born, the rule-follower, the over-achiever, the do-it-right booooo-ya girl. And I’m finding that this doesn’t matter that much? That these constructs I’ve lived by are obsolete?

[CTRL+ALT+DEL]=Re-programming.

These two realizations are kind of complimentary paradigm shifts. Tectonic plates are breaking and re-connecting synapses in my brain. Pretty wacky. Pretty wonderful. So I’m sharing my mind-blowing process, as I try to gather up the pieces again. Has your mind been blown by something? Have you had to re-program? I’d love to hear about it.

V. Day

2011-02-14T10:19:00.003-06:00

A Valentine
When I said I surrender all
I didn't know what 'all' meant
it meant what I knew then,
not what I know now,
not what I will know.
But it was earnest,
even while being nascent,
and I mean it again, today.
Right now.
I mean to surrender
this heart in love to You, my lover.
Your love crossed me,
Found me,
Your Love calls me,
Washes me,
and will not forsake me.
Past and Present and to come,
You are.
So take this heart in surrender,
in this moment and forever tether,
Sweet Savior, Precious Treasure!
Awed, in Love, wed to my Valentine
Shepherd, friend and King,
ever by my side.
Ever mine.

Never, never.

2011-01-28T13:30:00.003-06:00

What sin, that lurks in each of us,
far grosser,
far deeper,
far more perverse.
So long, to keep hidden,
To keep hidden,
In darkness.

Even those who are forgiven,
temptation bitten
struggling, strangling,
the cords of lust.

I can't bear this weight
I can't calm the gate
The flood of the reprobates
And Their vile complaints
Now that the light has shown,
revealed the hidden state,
Oh will you still me forsake?

Never, never.
Tied to an unbreakable tether.
To a Wretch as I,
An amazing grace did fly,
Toward the neediest,
dirtiest child,
to me, to me.

Abba, such destruction and heartbreak we bring on ourselves and others. Please draw near to his family now, in unspeakable shame and sorrow, and comfort them with your peace.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

From Lost to Love

2011-01-10T00:22:00.005-06:00

Oh for,

The love,

The love of, oh for

Oh for, the love of

The love of God

The love of God.

I fail, I fall, crippled heart, beats too small

Not large enough, to carry this

Grief and burden,

Father, brother,

Entire city

Lost.

Cycles of

Worship, yes, hope in being washed by holy rivers, in ascending mountains, in ringing gongs, in visiting shrines,

all for a good work, to keep the law ardently.

Yet I see nothing but that

I am a good law-breaker

I am a terrible seeker,

A Truth wrecker

Critic and side-stepper.

Fresh and salt-water, flowing out of this mouth.

White-washed tomb, hypocrite who spouts.

Oh, forgive,

Oh forgive,

Me.

I turn, repent, only to do it again. I turn, repent, and repent again.

And there is forgiveness. And there is hope.

At greatest price, Jesus Christ made a way.

Blood money- He paid.

My debt, he paid.

Thank you.

Life and all, I owe, joyfully, and lovingly.

It is well, with my soul.

Conscience cleared,

burden borne,

debt paid, stains washed.

It is well!

[Inspired by seeing my own faults, seeking hope and forgiveness, and the Vimeo linked to the blog's title. Highly recommended.]

New Heritage

2010-12-31T09:30:00.004-06:00

I've been copying stanzas from Psalm 119 in my morning Bible Meditation time.

This morning I was struck by verse 111,
"Your testimonies are my heritage forever,
for they are the joy of my heart."

Thinking on the new year upon us, and the joys and sorrows past and to come, this hit a chord.

I love the idea of heritage- my national heritage, my ethnic heritage, and my spiritual heritage. A few years back I was counseled by a family friend about heritage- and how I can have a part in building a new spiritual heritage. It was hopeful to me because I saw him doing THAT for his family! He didn't grow up with that heritage, but that didn't mean he was stuck. He built a new foundation it for his kids.

So it makes me wonder, what will I do in the New Year to build up a godly heritage? I want to create traditions and habits in my life that show others and REMIND ME about God's testimonies. It is also striking that heritage is linked to what is the joy of a person's heart. Will it be money or success or ...., or will it be the joy of the promises and gospel of Jesus Christ?

Oh, Lord, Make this verse more true of me in the New Year!

And make the words of this song true, too! These words are rich.
Enjoy a New Years listening treat :)

Hear O Israel & Come People of the Risen King

Keith & Kristyn Getty & Stuart Townend

Hear O Israel, the people of the Lord,

Be still and know that He is God

Love the Lord your God with the fullness of your heart

With all your mind, your strength and soul

We draw near through Christ who saves us

We draw near to the throne of Grace

Hear O Israel, the people of the Lord

Come lift your voice and praise your King

Come, people of the Risen King,

Who delight to bring Him praise;

COME PEOPLE OF THE RISEN KING,
Who delight to bring Him praise;
Come all and tune your hearts to sing
To the Morning Star of grace.
From the shifting shadows of the earth
We will lift our eyes to Him,
Where steady arms of mercy reach
To gather children in.

Rejoice, Rejoice! Let every tongue rejoice!
One heart, one voice; O Church of Christ, rejoice!

Come, those whose joy is morning sun,
And those weeping through the night;
Come, those who tell of battles won,
And those struggling in the fight.
For His perfect love will never change,
And His mercies never cease,
But follow us through all our days
With the certain hope of peace.

Come, young and old from every land -
Men and women of the faith;
Come, those with full or empty hands -
Find the riches of His grace.
Over all the world, His people sing -
Shore to shore we hear them call
The Truth that cries through every age:
“Our God is all in all”!

December Coverings

2010-12-14T13:43:00.017-06:00

Covered by the weight
of frozen molecules of hydrogen and oxygen
billions of them, born above my head
released from storehouses,
freed to flow and fumble
Cover the land, dance
onto our path and fraught feet,
crunching beneath.

Covered by the weight
of heavy heart in desperate state
so much left to do, and what's
left undone stares and
presses harder,
until it seems as if reality
is a memory
and all that's left
is hollow panic and forgetfulness.

Covered by the weight
of unfulfilled desires and cries to wait
patiently, keep steady
fastening your grip
to a Rock that will not slip.

Let go of lust that you sling, like a gun on the hip
Fired off, the bullet wounding
so that crimson spots on white snow cluing
me in on a repetitious act,
oh fond rebellion!
Back again I am.
Stuck. Vile. Far.
Until-
Repentance dovetails and swells
and I'm a heap, in rags undone.

Holiness has raised its' fist,
I'm following the beacon home!
Home to the King with Kingdom Throne
To the Lord of skin and bone
To the Weaver of this tale
To my Maker, never frail.

And though I'm frail and frightened; lost
He split his Blood at highest cost.
Dwelling here all weights seem small;
the burden is easy, the yoke is full.
Abiding here, never to leave!
Beauty, fullness, rest in belief
and faith in nail-pierced hands
that free me from self-imposed tyranny
that free me from the enemy's cruelty
that free me from the world's frivolity.
so that I am

Covered by the weight
of love instead.

Thanks for sharing 'Winter Song' by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson via FB go to a friend of a friend of a friend in Pittsburg :) It is unspeakably beautiful and part of the inspiration for this poem- enjoy.

Where is your Thanksgiving Favorite grown?

2010-11-22T13:13:00.012-06:00

My adviser asked our research group what our favorite traditional thanksgiving dishes were. I said mashed potatoes and gravy. Something about that dish is very comforting-- piled high, thick potatoes, whipped to perfection, layered with tasty gravy. It reminds me of family, Auntie Linda and Uncle Brad's house, and other fond memories.

Others loved stuffing (2), squash/sweet potatoes (1), and their mom's wild rice dish (1). Our research group member from Nepal preferred wine :) Another group member proudly explained that everything except the SALT on their table was grown in MN!

Linda Zellmer, Librarian at Western Illinois University, has done research on this exact point. Where is food coming from to get to your table? She has pulled together the birth places of Thanksgiving dinner items.

Looking at the location and concentration of growth are interesting! The darker the color, the more are grown there. If we couldn't ship food by truck, what would you eat in your home state?
What surprised you?

Take a look! Talk about it at your table! And let's be thankful this Thanksgiving!!

Great Conversations

2010-11-19T13:27:00.002-06:00

Our God is great. He brings people and relationships into your life during different seasons…with different joys and different challenges.

I’m sharing some notes I took from a conversation with a man who directs a transitional prison ministry. I can’t commend him enough. Sharing a meal with him and his wife was …comparable, in my limited experience…to eating with Jesus. His Love for the Lord, practical experience, and wisdom blew me away. I hope can find some helpful gems in these notes, too, for your relationships.

Boundaries.
Establish boundaries from the get go. Lay out boundaries for each relationship. This is where we going: tell him* tough things. What desires do you have for the relationship? What expectations do you have for the relationship: what do you want? Be on the same page. It’s important to define the relationship for what it is. Don’t compromise on anything on your end, period. Know where you at. Attitude: this is going to be messy- God help us! God help us to be wise.

Accountability.
You are not doing people any good if you don’t call them out on issues. Be it pride or anything, help and sharpen your brother/sister who calls on the name of Christ! Being held accountable in every where: financially, with work, with relationships… PLOMS Disease: Poor Little Ol’ Me Syndrome. The cure is confronting it!

Discipleship.
If you have any amount of Christian life experience, you are mentoring. Don’t let the “buddy effect” diminish your relationship. Go the word: what does God’s word tell us? This is your backup; this is your foundation in speaking into someone’s life.

Addiction.
Cigarettes: not as much about health as about self-discipline. Think of how a $25 dollar a week habit ends up as a $1200 dollar a year expense.

Dependency.
Getting rides: health, family, job interview. Otherwise: self sufficiency through bussing or biking. It is an issue of self-sufficiency vs. dependence. (He was willing to take 9 buses across tow to get dope, nothing would stand in his way. Is it the same now, for church and work and other things?) Don’t give gifts. Individuals can be a crutch. It is easy to give people things. It is not about your giving heart, but about getting things without earning them.

Transition.
Coming out of prison, where you make 300 decisions a day, to life, where we make 3000 decisions a day. It’s a big difference. Structure is really important for this transition process, and those without structure often flounder and go back to prison (recidivism).

Opportunities.
There is the MN Workforce Center (on Chicago and other locations) where you can look for a job for free and get resources. There are also life skills classes, about budgeting. Providing a financial mentor.

Warning.
With a violent background, be careful. Things can happen. Also, no alone time with opposite sexes. Limit time to mixed company, in groups.

Prayer.
Pray for guys in prison! For example, spend one night in prayer for him. Week after week it can be “needs, needs, needs.” And one of the unseen needs is prayer.

Get in the Word.
Take time, right away, to study the Bible. At least 15 minutes of hard-core study. That is going to do more good than chatting for an hour.

*Him here is used generically—it is the him or her you are relating to, they may be transitioning from prison, or they may just be a person with overwhelming needs that you are seeking to support and love.

Lyrical Visions Continued: Too much

2010-11-04T12:31:00.004-05:00

The artistic process continues. Click on the title for a Youtube audio, and here for live video.
This song inspired me to think about themes of this work as enforcing repetition, bold lines, mono-chromatic + red color scheme, and a chaotic/over-whelming feel.

I wish I could do this full-time! But apparently if you are a graphic-designer, your work is client driven, and bottom-line limited. I think doing it for fun keeps that magic- but maybe I should take a class to learn more about possibilities I'm not even aware of yet!

Hey Genius, on second thought...

2010-10-29T17:22:00.003-05:00

I was reading a University update and found out that a professor had just won the MacArthur genius grant. I watched a video about her. (I had actually done a paper about her work for a writing class, once, and interviewed her lab manager. It was really cool).

So I perused the genius page. Then, wasting my Friday afternoon away (I should be grading tests right now, actually!) I posted the link on facebook, cause I thought it was cool. I wanted to share it with others. Cause then they would think I was cool. Cause I care about geniuses. (And apparently bad grammar, too, but it's my blog, and I can write how I wanna, just cause.)

Anyway. Then, continuing the facebook face melt, I watched a video a friend had posted by a Pastor in Seattle-- this little known dude named Marc Driscoll. And his video was about the gospel, basically how "we don't do things to get right with God. We don't need religion, and works, and good deeds, or GENIUS. What we need is Jesus. Jesus makes us right with God. HE forgives us, HE makes us acceptable, and HE is our hope.")

That made me feel pretty lame caring so much about geniuses. And about what people on facebook think of me. So I thought I'd blog about it. Which is lame, too. However, moving my focus from worshiping at the feet of geniuses and the world of academia (another form of religious works) is something worth sharing. It's worth praising God.

So I thought, rather than erasing my now regretted facebook newsfeed post, that I would repent and share. All glory to him, whenever I stop looking at my own pile, and looking to Him.

What more can you ask for?

2010-10-26T14:18:00.004-05:00

Being rather unmarried myself doesn't mean I don't enjoy God's design in marriage, and hope I will enjoy it someday. I just enjoyed a brief article by Justin Taylor about 4 Lessons from Luther on Married Life. Luther was single most of his life, but when it came time to be married, he enjoyed it. How great is that.

"Luther’s faith was simple enough to trust that after a conscientious day’s labor, a Christian father could come home and eat his sausage, drink his beer, play his flute, sing with his children, and make love to his wife—all to the glory of God!" -William Lazareth

Lyrical Visions

2010-10-22T13:27:00.003-05:00

The 'Age of Adz' has been on repeat since encountering Sufjan Steven's wonderful performance in Minneapolis last week. I just keep sinking into the world that the songs creates. I wanted express the beauty and power of the lyrics and enjoyed playing around in Adobe InDesign. There are really endless possibilites. In my dream world I would turn these lyrics into a music video featuring only the words. I'm hoping to creatively assemble all of the lyrics for this album as a little fall project. Here is the first song, Futile Devices.

Love is the Consuming Fire that Burns Away Anxiety and Fear

2010-10-10T15:50:00.003-05:00

"We must know that we have been created for greater things, not just to be a number in the world, not just to go for diplomas and degrees, this work and that work. We have been created in order to love and to be loved. Love does not measure. It just gives.” Mother Teresa.

And thank you, Kela, for encouragement at the right moment.
Now, to continue.
One day at a time.

Fall Solace among Great Busyness

2010-09-30T12:21:00.003-05:00

Now let us find solace in the finished work of our Lord Jesus. Everything is fully done: justice demands no more. Great peace is our portion in Christ Jesus.
- Charles Spurgeon

Musings on Music

2010-09-01T15:52:00.006-05:00

Music isn't an end to itself.

Music isn't just a vehicle to get stuff (My flow, my show brought me the dough/that bought me all my fancy things/my crib, my cars, my pools, my jewels...Says 50 Cent)

This quote by Josh Garrels (below) is a quality view of the purpose of music. It reminded me of other artist's reflections on making music (see AC Newman and Alan Sparhawk) because it was honest and true. Garrel's thoughts also capture my view of music. It's hard to put into words, the mystical way that a melody refreshes, how words give joy and perspective, and rejuvenating it is dancing to the beats... and that is because God made it to be so. He made music for worship-- the glorious end of all things! So get tickets to a show...and praise him.

“In a media-saturated pop culture society where ‘stars’ are the royalty to be worshipped or fawned over, I believe the true role of artists is to serve others with their creations, “ Garrels says. “That means to draw people to fullness of life through revelation, longing, breakthroughs, simple beauty, and unpretentious truths. Artists help people see the obvious, the heart of the matter, and from this regained perspective people become more fully human. So much art these days has people focusing on an unattainable fantasy, lusting over what they'll never have unless they take it by force or by way of money or libido. This is all candy, and candy can't make a man healthy.” Read more: http://www.myspace.com/joshgarrels#ixzz0yJR0KKlm (bold and italics mine)

So long, fare thee well

2010-08-25T13:08:00.014-05:00

Goodbye is too good a word, babe.
I'll just say, so long,
fare thee well.

This morning three motorcycles rode out of the alley.
It was the official end of a sweet season living with two wonderful girls.
They are now headed toward opposite ends of the country; west coast, east coast.
And here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

I feel the bittersweet joy and sadness,
the hope of visiting both of them in the future, and a little bit of consideration toward the boxes and things left to pack. But overall, I want to be THANKFUL.
Thankful to the Giver of good gifts.
Thankful that He gave us this time, apartment, friends and sweet memories...
and hopeful for what is to come!

The saga continues

2010-08-18T23:34:00.003-05:00

Upon arriving home from a night at the theater (yes, dahling, we had a nice time but were slightly traumatized by Tennessee's tragedy & on stage bottle breaking in 'A Streetcar Named Desire') I was greeted by a guest! Hello, housemate, so good to meet you! Mousey #4 (yes, #4, because #3 met the clap trap this evening, whoo hoo!) introduced them self tonight, and is currently under the stove. Two traps have been strategically placed in an effort to beneficently boot out this guest...and more will be purchased tomorrow.

Questions: How many more should I buy? What bait works well? I'm doing peanut butter now, but might go back to glued down peanuts...or maybe cheese? I should have kept some of that salmon! And why don't the Decon traps work?

Travelin'

2010-08-18T13:06:00.006-05:00

After lamenting with with Kela about the length of plane rides and the limitations of short vacations, we recalled to mind the wonders of teleporting and time travel. And why, exactly, has this not happened yet? Resolved to write a letter to the top three companies we think could make this happen- please get on it, guys!

1. Google (They can do everything, right?)

2. Apple (As long as you get the chip placed in your wrist, that is...)

3. Ikea (Swedish ingeniuity with style)

Guests

2010-08-17T07:49:00.002-05:00

After a week of work travels, I returned home. Glorious home. I was breaking out in a full smile walking through the MSP airport. My current apartment is now empty- both roommates gone- so I returned to an experiment of living alone.

Or so I thought.

Soon I had a sneaking suspicion that I was not alone.

It was a vague movement out of the corner of my eye. Slight sounds filtering through the air.

Sure enough, yesterday morning Mr. Mousey was poppin' his head out to say hello. Brave and unafraid of daylight, he hid behind the stove and would race out when I had been quiet for awhile. I resolved to buy some more clap traps. Cruel, yes, but effective. I want to live ALONE, you see, not with a guest.

Yesterday Kelly came over for dinner. I showed her my 2-sticky trap, 2-clap trap set-up, and she approved. I was set for my mission of destruction.

As we munched on homemade kettle corn, she noticed movement- a brown blurb shimmying up the shelf. Suddenly the mouse was on the counter, then leaping in the bread basket. The bread basket! Not the bread basket! We went over, unsure what to do. I was freaking out, cussing and cursing at the mouse. Kelly was calm. I ran down the back stairs- we could carry the basket out side and release it! I opened the door, and on my way back up, she said "It is finished!" the mouse had invisibly escaped the bread basket and ended up in a trap. Wowza!

After a short struggle, Mr. Mousey was bagged and disposed of. It felt good!
We cleaned out that bread basket- he had been thriving on some salmon jerky! Two sticks were nibbled on. I guess I would eat salmon over moldy bread, too. (I just returned from a week way, to remind you. Moldy bread is not normal. Moldy cheese on the other hand, but I digress). After that accomplishment, I still decided to leave the other traps out just to be sure. But was really looking forward to the living alone experiment.

Except, I still wasn't alone.

Last night I heard a quiet chirping, like a mouse, but couldn't locate it. I went to bed. This morning, sticky trap #1 by the stove had accomplished its mission. Mrs. Mousey was caught by her back legs and wailing. I felt terrible. I freaked out a little less. I sang "Jesus lover of my soul" and got the Mrs. in a ziploc. (She went outside, too, though for now she is waiting to meet the tire of my car. I don't want her to struggle for days. Maybe the sticky traps are even crueler, as they prolong the end.) When I felt really mean, I called my mom, and she reminded me that mice don't have a right to live with me. I do have the right to live alone.

As I climbed back up the stairs, I felt sad but strong and ready to persevere on my mice killing mission. At the top of the stair I was met by yet another furry beast, this one scrambling into a hole in the wall! A tally of three mice, and counting! HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU HAVE? I quickly found the steel wool that had been purchased for this occasion, and stuffed the crack. I went to the other side (ahem, the kitchen side, where I live!) and tried to stuff that space, too.

I shake my head as I think of the millions of mice babies currently inhabiting my house, just waiting for me to leave. I found another clap trap, so hopefully Sticky #1 and Clappy #3 will do their work in the back hall. Clap #2 and Decon are inside waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Like me.

Waiting to be free of unwanted guests.

Until next time, loyal reader, I wish you a pest-free week.

Bluegrass makes me thankful

2010-08-07T11:35:00.005-05:00

Something about the fiddle. The mandolin. Bill Monroe's high pitched yoddle. The real talk of sorrow, loneliness, despair, tragedy, and evil. But there is a chord of thankfulness that runs through the lines. I hear gratitude in the plucks and harmonies.

I've been reading about grumbling in Exodus, and have been thinking about how grumbling is based on unbelief! God's people didn't believe he could provide-- they would rather be back as slaves in Egypt than to die from Pharaoh's armies, then to die of thirst, then to die of hunger because they didn't see how God was testing them to trust him. I can't see right now how I'm being tested, but I want to be trusting in God's provision and protection, and not relying on what I see I lack in my wilderness. Listening to bluegrass helps me to look away from the present, and fix my eyes on the unseen. It fills my heart with gratitude for him, rather than grumbling for what I lack.

My life has been consumed with a big project at work. It's challenging. Tedious. But I'm trying to make gratitude part of my days and hours, rather than grumbling. Play on, Bill!

In the morning when I rise

2010-07-29T06:51:00.004-05:00

This morning, I am reading the Bible because
(a) I want to feel good about myself
(b) I want to check it off my list
(c) because if I don't I will feel guilty and shameful and "disconnected" from God
(d) I know my soul needs it
(e) because I always do it
(f) I want to be able to share I did if anyone asks
(g) Maybe I'll read something that I can share with coworkers
(h) Maybe I'll read something I can meditate on through the day

Are these the reasons I should be reading the Bible? (Because, you know, I should be reading it!)

After discussing church and life with friends/duplex mates last night, I was reminded that I should read the Bible to get close to God. That's the main purpose: I should read it be drawn toward Jesus, to get more of Jesus, and to enjoy Jesus more. Knowing Christ, not just knowing about him, should be my prerogative when I crack open 'da book' in the morning. €
Or lunch time.
Or whenever time.

Oh Lord, make it so!

Solar Bulbs Light up My Life

2010-07-27T14:36:00.004-05:00

Sweet new way to light up your night...I wonder if I can get one for camping?

----------------------------------------

An inventor has designed an affordable solar-power light bulb that can shine for four hours and last four years to help wean people off the kerosene lamps commonly used in poorer nations.

Denver-based inventor Stephen Katsaros has a long history of useful inventions that have found shelf life, and the solar bulb -- named Noreka -- is the latest. He plans to mass-produce 600,000 to 1.2 million bulbs a month in a factory in China, and they will retail wholesale for $6. The retail cost can reach $15.

The bulbs contain four solar panels as well as a computer chip to prolong battery life. Nearly 1.6 billion people worldwide do not have electricity, and a quarter of the world still burns fuel in lamps for light. Emissions can reach up to 1.9 million tons of carbon dioxide a day, according to a report from the U.N. Framework Convention on Climate Change.

Katsaros is planning to sell his bulbs, he says, and will seek to make a profit in countries that can afford the bulbs, such as India, Pakistan, Indonesia and Nigeria. The business model needs to be able to grow and sustain itself.

"This is not a charity," he says. "We are using capitalism as a method to improve people's lives" (Jason Blevins, Denver Post, July 10). --GV

Farm to School goes national

2010-06-22T09:06:00.005-05:00

Benefits abound when eating local food, especially in growing children. Eating nutritious fruits and vegetables, learning at a young age where carrots come from, and meeting your neighbor who grows them could have a large impact on child development. It's about telling the story of the food we eat, something that kids and adults alike can enjoy!

Although there are infrastructure challenges, currently sixty-nine school districts in Minnesota have programs. The model is being replicated nationwide in this bill "Recently national bipartisan legislation was released National Farm to School Act of 2010 (H.R. 5456)"

"St. Paul Public Schools alone purchased 110,000 pounds of locally grown produce in just the first six weeks of the 2009-2010 school year – the markets created by school districts can be a big boost to small family farmers. Minnesota students are now eating locally-grown apples and corn on the cob. Other programs also serve potatoes, carrots, onions, cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, bison, and beans." -Maria Reppas

Sounds like a yummy deal to me!

I'm singing today...

2010-05-25T09:59:00.001-05:00

When I go don't cry for me
In my fathers arms I'll be
The wounds this world left on my soul
Will all be healed and I'll be whole

Sun and moon will be replaced
With the light of Jesus' face
And I will not be ashamed
For my savior knows my name

It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away

Gold and silver blind the eye
Temporary riches lie
Come and eat from heaven's store
Come and drink and thirst no more

So weep not for me my friend
When my time below does end
For my life belongs to him
Who will raise the dead again

It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away

How do you destroy community wealth? Look at our current system

2010-05-13T15:34:00.003-05:00

How can we develop stronger and healthier communities?

A recent article by Olga Bonfiglio (The Economics of Organic Farming) reminded me that I had heard a lecture on this at the MOSES conference this past February.

I heard Ken Meter speak about how local and organic food can be a way of developing communities. Here are on some excerpts from Bonfiglio’s article, where she quotes Mr. Meter:

• "Our [struggling] economy is making a compelling case that we shift toward more local food. The current system fails on all counts and it's very efficient at taking wealth out of our communities."

• "This is not a healthy farm economy especially since $135 million in food is purchased outside the region," said Meter. "We need to cut down that $135 million by sourcing food locally."

• "This is a startling reality the general public is not thinking about because it is so far removed from farms," said Meter. "These are losses in the breadbasket of America! This is not a lucrative way to farm."

• Meter believes that if buyers commit themselves to invest in organic and locally-grown agricultural products, farm income would change. However, people would have to understand how such a strategy would benefit them and their community at the same time. It would require a sense of community or ownership over a place where people were unified on the basis of trust, mutuality, and support and not just a shared geography.

• For example, if people in southwestern Wisconsin bought just 25 percent of their food from local sources, all production costs would be offset and create $33 million in new farm income.

• "It is not a trivial thing to source food through local people," said Meter. "That helps fund communities and their schools."

• Meter cited several examples where farmers have been able to invest in local and organic production AND make a difference in their communities.

Examples:
Organic Valley, WI
Black Hawk, IA
Growing Power, Milwaukee, WI
Viroqua, WI
In Eau Claire, WI
Burlington, VT
Northfield, MN

Such arrangements break down self-interest motives to help move everyone in the community forward, said Meter. "The food systems of the future will also involve rethinking our habits of getting our food cheaply," concluded Meter. "Such change can build wealth in our communities." Mr. Meter works at Crossroads Resource Center in Minneapolis.

Twenty crushing thoughts

2010-05-12T14:20:00.001-05:00

This is pretty personal, but it may be helpful to share. Or it may just be insight into my sinful psychosis! Ahhh well. I’m just hanging out, praying through a new crush, in this ridunkulous cycle that plagues me! I wish I didn’t have to deal with this, I say. Well, let’s fess up that this is an area I really struggle with, and especially need his sufficient grace. “Trust in the lord all ye saints, trust in the lord! Those who fear him have no lack….” Psam 34
1. Don’t worry about x’s long term goals, God is in charge of that
2. Don’t worry about winning x’s affection. If the Lord stirs his heart, the Lord will do that
3. Yes, this might be a good match, but you don’t know anything! The Lord knows!
4. Yes, you like being around him, but that doesn’t mean you are meant to marry him!
5. I pray that you would take him off my heart, or put me on his
6. I pray that I would not become a conniving jealous scheming woman around him, but relax and rest in you Lord and be myself!
7. I pray you would take away my distracting “scenario/fake conversation” thoughts or help me fight them
8. I pray you would replace those thoughts with thoughts of loving Jesus and serving other people
9. What can stop the Lord from doing this-- nothing?
10. I will wait upon the Lord
11. I will trust the Lord
12. I will cry out to my God
13. I will praise my God
14. I will not worry or fret
15. The Lord pursues me
16. The Lord’s affections are for me
17. The Lord is good
18. The Lord is always good
19. His mercies endure forever
20. I do pray for x, and that you would be with him and strengthen him- he would feel your love and passion and abide in you

Positing

2010-05-10T11:57:00.002-05:00

Literature review is golden.
Now I've got a new verb in my soul.
It'll sound pretty good once I get it a go.
It can be a noun too- we'll just see how it rolls.

pos·it
verb
1. to place, put, or set.
2. to lay down or assume as a fact or principle; postulate.

noun
3. something that is posited; an assumption; postulate.

Found in:
Meeting need and achieving sustainability in water project interventions. Huby, M., Stevenson, S. Progress in Development Studies, Jul2003, Vol. 3 Issue 3, p196-209.

"Baland and Platteau (1996) posit the advantages of federated structures for the
management of common property such as water, with nested multiple layers of rights
and responsibilities."

Interconnected

2010-04-22T21:58:00.003-05:00

"When one tugs at a single thing in nature; he finds it attached to the rest of the world."
John Muir

For me, today was a day to remember that the earth is "neither a toilet nor your mother". How we treat the earth matters. We should not abuse it, and we should not worship it. It doesn't belong to humans, but it also isn't greater than humans.
Muir's insights into the complexity of nature, the challenges of research and understanding...and all of this complexity reflects the majesty of the earth's Creator.

The Scientific Method Insulates My Heart

2010-04-12T20:58:00.003-05:00

A Method that fictionally releases my mind from subjectivity
I approach with a graphing paper notebook and pen
And evaluate.
The method seems to simplify the luster of ten thousand decisions.
The method seems to free me from criticism and fragmented affections.
Stead-eyed I plot the line.
And while the facts never speak for themselves,
The method helps them to.
And that’s the way we like it.
- - -

I was just considering how I approached my new twitter endeavor like an experiment. Putting it in the confines of research made it more manageable to me.
Does that reflect my personality, or my Grad school re-programing?
Maybe I'm thinking a little too hard ;).

But this feeling "insulation" or superiority that is attached to the label of scientist is worrisome. I just read an article about climategate by John P. Costella (linked in the title) which delves into the details of scientists abusing their power for their own ends.

This reality makes me sad. Scientists are certainly not free from bias or corruption. Could transparency and high-quality science win back the public's trust, or is it lost forever? I still think minimizing subjectivity by using a standardized method is a worthy endeavor. It's the path I'm on now...we'll see how it goes...

A leap of Twit

2010-04-12T11:08:00.002-05:00

I don't want to be afraid of technology.
Therefore, I will tweet.
New challenge: tweet once a week (shoot for manic Mondays)
and see what I learn...
maybe I'll love it, maybe I'll hate it,
but hopefully I'll start to understand it!

Oi, Grad School

2010-03-29T10:09:00.005-05:00

A wise friend told me what what she learned from grad school:

1. always put off what you can do today until tomorrow
2. if you can't do it today, then eat a lot of chocolate and eventually it will get done. somehow.

I'm finding this to be true... I'm kind of scared by it, also! Maybe I should just embrace procrastination as a way of life, and enjoy this time, rather than stressing?

If Heaven is Whenever...

2010-03-22T16:50:00.004-05:00

(Freecovers.org)

I don't want it.

The Hold Steady's new album, to be released May 4th, is entitled 'Heaven Is Whenever'. Thinking about that title, if heaven is whenever, it is right in this moment, it is in the past (like the Holocaust), it is in death and suffering and injustice.

However, I don't think heaven IS in those things because I don't think heaven is not just a synonym for happiness. I can't hope in a heaven if it looks just like the messed up earth now. I don't want to hope in a God that can't set things right.

I believe heaven is beyond a feeling, it is a place. It is a real place. It is a city. It is a city of the future, a city to come. It is a lasting city, an eternal city. It is a place without tears and sadness. It is a place of feasting. It is a place of complete and FULL JOY, because it is the place where Jesus is and always will be, with his people. It is a place where there is no sun, because the Son shines his light on the people!

Heaven is a reality, not a nonchalant phrase. Happiness is a passing feeling, dependent on circumstance. Not the same thing.

When Finn talks about the album, I get more excited. He says the album is about "embracing suffering and understanding its place in a joyful life. The lyrics speak a lot about struggle and reward."

I totally dig that. But the reward is to come. Suffering is here and now, but it won't exist forever. And that is a reality to look forward to.

blog blah

2010-03-18T17:14:00.000-05:00

Most of my thoughts
Pride stymied and then toppling to despair
Back again, back again
Even the ‘my’ is despicable
Should I care about my thoughts; yes
Should I share every thought for everyone’s gaze?
Just because we can do that now
You don’t even need a journalism degree
You are editor and publisher; power
Or waste of time?
Self-expression is self-promotion
In this case,
Pride gawking at the mirror.
I want to smash it.
I don’t want to live in blog world.
But sometimes… I want a break from the real world.
From assignments, readings, confusing interview coding…
So I read people’s blogs and think my own thoughts into blog posts.
And shake my head.
And do it again.

Women, Water, Wonder

2010-03-06T21:12:00.005-06:00

Every year, March 8th marks International Women's Day. This weekend has been full of celebrations connected to this day, including a an event called Women and Water Rights.

I attended the symposium (Woman & Water Rights: Global Policy - Local Action) on Thursday and caught two speakers highlighting different narratives within the topic. I've been ruminating on one of the questions asked and the speaker's response.

The question was along the lines of "What is the connection between me and other women around the world, who lead very different lives, and in particular their lives involve so much labor just to obtain water (maybe not even clean) for their families, and we just turn a knob."

For one, you really have to let this question sink into your pores. I wasn't knocked out by it; the experience has been more along the lines of a clamp that gets tighter every round you wind.

The compression has reached a peak; I'm weighed down. Not with guilt, but with a mixture of sorrow and lamenting. Sorrow for their suffering, sorrow for the ease and convenience of my life, and lamenting for the injustice and corruption and the "not rightness" of the world.

I'm weighed down by the beautiful poem that was shared in a response to this thought. The speaker didn't have an answer. She, too, had looked at this question and did not pull out an silver-bullet-development solution. Her poem was full of imagery and carried the same grief.

Maybe it's a grief common to women; even unmarried childless women can share it. I feel like I share in it, as I imagine a Kenyan woman walking 2 miles to gather water and firewood for her family. The grief has a particle of distrust. A particle of anger. A particle of helplessness. A particle of joy. A particle of apathy. A particle of perseverance.

The topic and poem affected me in another way, as I have been working over the weekend taking surveys at a boat show. The survey is for a joint university/state/federal project about public knowledge of invasive species in water as well as boater's habits. There are 7 questions and a blue "shammy" as a thank you. (Repeat xxx times with a smile, and don't take rejection personally).

There are many notable aspects of this new survey experience, but I'll focus on the connection to the topic. Here I am, asking people about their habits and knowledge about water. I'm asking men and women who enjoy water for recreational purposes, and water may also be a big factor in how they make their living. Many of them do not realize the magnitude of the threat of invasive species, and the likelihood that the resources they treasure may degrade from invasive species impact. Yet many people are very responsive and concerned.

Still, water in our lives is at a different than my imaginary friend across the ocean. Water separates us from each other; and yet it is water that unites us all.

I'll conclude this thought with music, another reality that unites us:

"It's the terror of knowing
what this world is about...
watching some good friends scream let me out...
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets....
Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love
Give love give love give love give love
Give love give love give love
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves "
-Under Pressure by Queen

Cry out

2010-03-02T23:13:00.007-06:00

She went
and she returned.

She has
cried out
in the night
She has
poured out
her heart
before
the One who sees.

We sat circled
and heard
the story
of another
who cried out
mouthed prayers
was called drunk
and yet did not turn over to despair
And when He came
and answered her prayer--
she gave
to the One who sees.

The One who sees
is who we can go to
when we grieve
when there is nothing to do
but pour out our hearts like water
in his presence.

May Christ's death and resurrection life be such a consolation in Haiti,
but also right here and now.

Because it is his

2010-02-26T22:49:00.007-06:00

"Making music is one of the most spiritual things in the world. This is God's language, man, and you don't touch that shit without feeling something bigger than yourselves. If you don't come to terms with that and call it what it is, you're going to have a long fight." -Alan Sparhawk in Vita.mn article by Chris Riemenschneider

Thanks, Alan, for aritculating one of the reasons music is so amazing. Because it is God's language! Music is a big part of my enjoyment of life and my identity... it's so important to me, it brings so much joy. However I think I'm often quite shallow in how I think about it. I want to think more deeply about music, Sparhawk's quote captures some of the Source of the magic and power of music.

When Cobwebs build up...

2010-02-20T07:48:00.000-06:00

Lord, sweep aside our false conceptions of You and replace them with true thoughts of who You are. A.W. Tozer

cycle, re

2010-02-11T11:50:00.004-06:00

My Arc Value Village e-newsletter included information on recycling: how holistic! I love how their mission benefits people with developmental disabilities by making a market for used goods. Their organizational structure promotes conservation, and now is even promoting more environmental stewardship! The only weak link in this reduce/reuse/recycle chain is that they inherently do not promote "reducing."

I'm pasting in their "Green Corner" which includes items I was not aware of. Enjoy!

GREEN CORNER - Here is a list of items that you can recycle that you might not have heard about:

Styrofoam (large pieces from crates, cartons, furniture, appliances etc.). Must be clean and dry and in bags. Take to the Coon Rapids recycling center but check out the details first on the website to make sure you comply with their requirements. Offer to collect for neighbors too. You don't need to be a resident of Coon Rapids to participate.
Plastic bottle caps. All those plastic bottles have caps (which should NOT go along with the bottles in the recycling bin) which can be saved and taken to your nearest Aveda salon. Aveda will recycle them into bottles for their products.
Mattresses. You can recycle your mattress and/or box spring for $15 each. Don't let this huge item end up in the land fill. The recycler will dismantle it and sell 85% of remaining materials.
Plastics. Recycle #1 and #2 with necks in your regular recycling. Whole Foods will take #5's. Coon Rapids recycling center will take #4, #5 and #6 plastic containers. Just look on the bottom of your plastic container for the number within the recycle triangle.
Packing Peanuts/ Bubble Wrap - Bring to your neighborhood Arc's Value Village Thrift Store and we will reuse. The other option is to check with your nearest UPS store (call first) to see if they won't take your packing peanuts. You can also request a biodegradable packing peanut when you ship. The more that people ask for it, the more likely a merchant is to provide it to you.

Money down

2010-01-21T22:49:00.004-06:00

Oh, New Year's resolutions-- to try and fail, or not to try at all? Well, I might just have accomplished my 2009 new year's resolution (one year late!) by creating a budget on Mint.com. Thanks to some recommendations from family and friends, it has turned out to be such an efficient, easy-to-use way of visually tracking income, out-going, and budget categories. Sure beats saving receipts and an excel spreadsheet, which was my 2009 failed attempt.

Cheers to a new year of financial stewardship!

Find a Solace

2010-01-10T20:06:00.004-06:00

Logically i knew
part of me needed to sit for awhile
and break.

be still, wonder
what's going through the synapses and neurons
was it all in my mind?

hands up, admit
you can't take a step
or stop the blood from thrusting.

so I'll un-close, my hands to grace
kneel down to the ground face
and accept the buckling.

by K.Kabob and C.Linguine by phone conversation, 2010.

----------------------

What a Friend we have
in Jesus
all our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer
O what peace we often forfeit
O what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer

Have we trials and temptations
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you;
you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing
all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded
there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship
will be our sweet portion there.

by Joseph Scriven, 1855.

settling down with this mind

2009-12-22T22:49:00.005-06:00

fame, fame,
chasing an empty frame
stirring up
a desperate perusal of pages for meaning

continual searching for the next thing;
i signed an acceptance letter today,
i fulfilled a dream.
And, yet, I'm still looking?

and a whispering thought
"what with the incarnation and all"

[pause]

how can...i...
say i believe
then set my worth; identity
on a program
on a dead tree; degree

candle burning and it's out.
to be blunt; that is my life.
be still now, settle down.
trust in God
the God who came
not in means.

Land Ahoy, submitted!

2009-12-11T10:26:00.003-06:00

The long journey has culminated in clicking the "submit" button last night on my first (and hopefully only!) graduate school application to the Natural Resources Science and Management Program at the U of M. Hurray! I thought this quote was applicable-- it encouraged me very much along the way....

“Without goals, and plans to reach them, you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination.”
—Fitzhugh Dodson

The journey is incredibly important, yet it stagnates if a goal (or even a direction) is not identified. It's definitely not easy. But it takes small steps a day at a time, combined with big dreams and loads of faith.

Dance, dance, dance

2009-12-02T21:17:00.004-06:00

"Why do girls love dancing?"
-Andy

Dear Andy,
This is a thoughtful question that one can't answer standing still!
I've been thinking about it since we were a two-steppin' last Saturday.
Why do I love dancing?
There's something about a beat, especially when combined with chords of a banjo,
mandolin, or guitar that makes me want to move.
My hips want to sway, my arms ache to swing, my head needs to bob!
I just want to .... release? let go? express? be a fool? be seen?

When I was young, I was so fearful about dancing in front of people.
Well, actually, when I was really young I was in dance class through community education in my city. Tap, ballet, and jazz, oh, and lyrical! It was a blast. But entering middle school, there was no rhythm in me to sway to R&B at the dance. And I actually still lack a lot of sense to certain types of music-- even now I get stiff or awkward. But other types just instigate a groove I can't deny!
Click on the "dance, dance, dance" title (from a Steve Miller Song which supports this letter) for an excellent example of sweet-bluegrass-need-to-danceness.

How to live an unhappy life

2009-11-28T10:30:00.003-06:00

It is the most Christ-like and happy life for a believer to cease living for himself. He who blesses others cannot fail to be blessed himself. On the other hand, to seek our own personal greatness is a wicked and unhappy way of life. -Charles Spurgeon

I too often walk with a mind set on the flesh and seek my own good and esteem from others. It ends in emptiness. I am thankful this Thanksgiving season that the Promises in Jesus are greater and more full of hope.

Connecting teaching and research to communities

2009-10-21T08:39:00.003-05:00

"I like the land-grant mission—good teaching, good research, and connecting those two activities through work with the community. Every time we can accomplish something in that broader context, we've done well." Tom Scott, former director of CURA (Center for Urban and Regional Affairs.

Scott's quote struck me. The university system, weighted down by offices, departments, initiatives, centers, and programs; layers which cause transparency to become opaque. What is the University doing? Where is the money going? What benefit does the public receive? It is refreshing to have someone within (or formerly within) the univeristy asking those questions, and I think CURA does that well. To be loyal and critical at the same time-- to respectfully question-- what a role, what a challenge! I'm hopeful that others will continue in his post as advocates and practitioners of the land grant mission.

Almost-Monday-Reminder

2009-10-18T22:46:00.005-05:00

Giving thanks.

Thanks for roommates and friends and gut-spilling and older wise women and phone calls and honesty and moms and laundry and popcorn and brothers and sisters-in-law and beer and sufjan and blogs and grad program possibilities and internet and conflict and found keys and hope in the hope-giver.

"So in our darkest times he came, He who is the Light of the morning came to us. He is faithful that promised. We say, then, to anyone who is under trial, give Him time to steep the soul in His eternal truth. Give Him time and, as surely as dawn follows night, there will break upon the heart a sense of certainty that cannot be shaken."

-Amy Carmichael writes to my soul. Prescription: read this three times a day until tests and applications are done. And continue to GIVE THANKS.

Food security and climate change

2009-10-17T11:45:00.003-05:00

A changing climate brings world wide challenges. As glaciers shrink, global water levels will change, which causes crucial rivers to dry up, which directly impacts agriculture. Lester Brown, author of an updated "Plan B 4.0: Mobilizing to Save Civilization," expounds on this point and clearly exposes the link between global warming and food security. This link is jaw dropping, and needs to be studied further! In this interview, Lester sounds like a prophet with dire warnings for the world, and without many solutions.

If these warnings are taken seriously, it's obvious why scientists are freaking out. I would be too, but my faith whispers "Christine, the earth is His and the fullness thereof. God is the author of civilization, and he alone can save it. Man has gotten us into this mess, and man cannot get it out of it! But dependent on God, and repentant of our sinful ways, seek Him earnestly in this crisis! Without him, there certainly is no Plan B, C, or D...."

Holistic River Health

2009-09-24T10:40:00.003-05:00

Hurray for legislation that actually includes appropriations! A great day for the people and animals, plants and other living things that depend on the Mississippi.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
press release from the USDA:

AGRICULTURE SECRETARY VILSACK ANNOUNCES MAJOR INITIATIVE TO IMPROVE HEALTH OF MISSISSIPPI RIVER BASIN $320 Million Available for Conservation Projects in Arkansas, Kentucky, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Louisiana, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Ohio, Tennessee, and Wisconsin

WASHINGTON, September 24, 2009-Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack today announced a new initiative to improve water quality and the overall health of the Mississippi River Basin in taped remarks to the Gulf Hypoxia Task Force Meeting in Des Moines, Iowa. The Mississippi River Basin Healthy Watersheds Initiative (MRBI) will provide approximately $320 million over the next four years for voluntary projects in priority watersheds located in 12 key states. Participation in this initiative, which will be managed by USDA's Natural Resources Conservation Service (NRCS), will be made available through a competitive process for potential partners at the local, State and national levels.

"The Obama Administration is committed to taking bold steps with our State and local partners to clean up the entire Mississippi River Basin, a critical natural resource that provides drinking water for tens of millions of Americans," said Vilsack. "Industrial, municipal, residential, and agricultural sources have all contributed pollutants to the waters of the Mississippi River Basin, and the MRBI will provide resources that will help us come together to address this issue."

Secretary Vilsack's announcement can be viewed online at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Rwi5rJ3eNE

The natural capacity of the Mississippi River Basin to remove nutrients has been diminished by a range of human activities over the years, including modification of floodplains for agricultural and urban land. MRBI will help agricultural producers implement conservation and management practices that avoid, control, and trap nutrient runoff. The initiative is performance oriented, which means that measurable conservation results are required in order to participate. By focusing on priority watersheds in these 12 states in the basin, USDA, its partner organizations, State and local agencies, and agricultural producers will coordinate their resources in areas requiring the most immediate attention and offer the best return on the funds invested.

"USDA is going to partner with farmers to implement a range of land stewardship practices, including conservation tillage, nutrient management, and other innovative practices," said Dave White, Chief of NRCS. "We all live downstream of other water users and this initiative will help make the Mississippi River Basin and the Mississippi River and its tributaries healthier for everyone."

In addition to other federal, State, and partner funding, NRCS is targeting $80 million annually over the next four years through Cooperative Conservation Partnership Initiative, Conservation Innovation Grants, and the Wetlands Reserve Enhancement Program. This is in addition to other NRCS program funding and assistance such as Environmental Quality Incentives Program, Wildlife Habitat Incentives Program, and the Conservation Stewardship Program. These funds will be available for projects in Arkansas, Kentucky, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Louisiana, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Ohio, Tennessee, and Wisconsin.

MRBI will focus on 8-digit or smaller hydrologic units (watersheds) that contribute high loads of nutrients in the Mississippi River Basin. Priority watersheds for the initiative will be identified by NRCS in consultation with conservation partner organizations and State Technical Committees. Watersheds will be selected using an evaluation process that will include information from the Conservation Effects Assessment Project, the USGS Spatially Referenced Regression on Watersheds Attributes, state-level nutrient reduction strategies and priorities, and available monitoring and modeling of nitrogen and phosphorus levels in the Basin. Using this watershed evaluation process will ensure water quality and nutrient issues are improving as part of MRBI.

The Mississippi River Basin is a critical ecosystem to the United States. Its entire land mass, totaling 41 percent of the contiguous United States and 15 percent of North America, drains into the Mississippi River and the Gulf of Mexico.

The Mississippi River runs 2,350 miles from its headwaters at Lake Itasca, Minnesota, to the mouth of the Gulf of Mexico and carries an average of 436,000 tons of sediment each day. It takes about 90 days for water to travel from the headwaters in Minnesota to the Gulf of Mexico where water is discharged at an average rate of 600,000 cubic feet per second.

Assessment of the progress in implementing MRBI will be critical, as will evaluation of outcomes at the field scale/edge-of-field and on the watershed basis. Successful measures of the initiative will include a reduced nutrient footprint and environmental impact through more efficient use of nutrients for crop production in the priority watersheds.

For information about the Mississippi River Basin Healthy Watersheds Initiative, including eligibility requirements, please visit www.nrcs.usda.gov or your USDA Service Center.

Videos=Understanding

2009-09-18T09:12:00.002-05:00

Give me immediate comprehension.

I don't want to wade through gobbily-gook. I get frustrated if a concept is simple, but I don't get it right away. Especially with technology. (I remember being 12 and not understanding the difference between email and the internet...it was a rough spot, but I got through it. Thanks, Susanna).

But with all the new technologies out there, new concepts are constantly entering our vocabulary. Wiki, blog, tweeting... new words into the world, full of possibility (and responsibility).

How do you make sense of it all? I just found out about Commoncraft.com, which is using technology to explain technology. It's a beautiful thing. It breaks down concepts and you don't even have to read! You just watch a video. How fitting for our sound byte culture-- a 3 minute video.

Good communication is good communication, plain and simple. I was excited to learn about commoncraft and think this concept could be applied at my work and in many other venues. Who wants to read a 10 page orientation packet? Watch a video and comprehend in half the time!

However, it is good to provide information in a variety of forms, for all the different learning styles. Reading, watching, listening...All of it. Bottom Line: if it's important, you need to understand it. So, hurray for new technologies! And hurray for taking a break from it!

Friday afternoon Florets

2009-09-11T14:36:00.009-05:00

Your spider plant
lowers a limb
in front of my screen
extending with gravity.
Six stamens
reach further,
the yellow pollen
suspended from the
starfish-like petals,
six in soft white
arching back
to punctuate the nectar.
Friday brings thanks for
such graceful,
delicate florets
decorating
this helter-skelter
prolific plant.

Great Grandpa's Citizenship, 1941

2009-08-30T18:10:00.003-05:00

Great Grandpa's Citizenship, 1941
Originally uploaded by cy_mn

Wow. My Great-Grandpa came from Sweden and lived in Boston for awhile before settling in Minneapolis and the western suburbs (Golden Valley). This is his certificate of citizenship. He was born in 1887, and became a US citizen in 1941, when he was 64 years old. I'm a fourth generation immigrant and do not think about my roots that much.. so it is so cool to have this tangible link to my heritage, as well as immigrants of today.

Seen and Not Seeing

2009-08-24T21:32:00.003-05:00

To doings

2009-08-12T09:12:00.007-05:00

Ever wonder what's going on around town? I do! And then I visit Thrifty Hipster, City Pages, Vita.mn, and even my sustag (sustainable agriculture) listserv to get some options together. That search is now a little simpler after I stumbled upon a U of M based concatenation: http://events.tc.umn.edu/around town ! Sweeeet.

We were born to

2009-07-21T16:18:00.004-05:00

Sing! And I'm so happy to find an online hymnal that is a little more aesthetic and search-able then Cyber Hymnal (though I still get a kick out of the organ music that you can sing along with!)

There's some beautiful, rich stuff on here, and I want it in my head and heart and on my tongue constantly...
This is one of my favorites from Indelible Grace, "Cling to the Crucified"

1. Cling to the Mighty One, Cling in thy grief
Cling to the Holy One, He gives relief
Cling to the Gracious One, Cling in thy pain
Cling to the Faithful One, He will sustain

Chorus: Cling to the crucified, Jesus the Lamb who died
Cling to the crucified, Jesus the King
Cling to the crucified, Jesus the Lamb who died
Cling to the crucified, Jesus the King

2. Cling to the Living One, Cling in thy woe
Cling to the Loving One, Through all below
Cling to the Pardoning One, He speaketh peace
Cling to the Healing One, Anguish will cease

3. Cling to the Bleeding One, Cling to His side
Cling to the Rising One, In Him abide
Cling to the Coming One, Hope shall arise
Cling to the Reigning One, Joy lights thine eyes

Love in the face of

2009-07-11T06:53:00.008-05:00

The Feast Remembering the judgment and mercy of a God to a group of slave people in Africa was coming near. The feast commemorated a night where howls of grief echoed from household after household, from barn and stable, as the first born of each breathed their last. That is, if the doorpost did not have a red stain painted across it, a covering of blood from a freshly slaughtered animal. That household would be sparred. That night of murder (recorded as the night of being 'passed over' by half that received mercy instead of judgment) was the last straw for that African king, and amidst his anger and grief he sent the slave people away.

That yearly Feast of Passover was coming soon, and a young man, a decedent of this same slave group, knew his time on earth was almost over. He knew that his hour to depart out of the world back to his home and his dear Father was fast approaching. While on earth he loved his friends. And he never stopped.

That supper, he ate with his best friends. They ate the traditional Passover meal, where each dish was prepared in the purified manner according to tradition. Each plate's aroma was filled with symbols and memory. All through this celebration, the young man knew one of his best friends had indulged the greed of his heart, and had made plans to betray him. It was underway. He also knew His father had handed over all things into his carpenter hands, and he knew his roots and his future were securely in the Divine, so he rose.

On that hot night, after supper, the young man took off his outer garments, his every day clothes. Taking a towel, and tying it around his waist, he poured water into a bowel and began to was his friend's feet, and to wipe them with the towel he had wrapped around himself.

The bowel was cloudy and the towel was getting dark and damp, but no one said anything until it was Simon Peter's turn. "Respected teacher, lord, friend...you're going to wash my feet?"
The young man replied to him, "You don't understand now, but later you will understand what I'm doing."
Simon Peter shook his head and exclaimed, "You'll never wash my feet! It isn't right!"
The young man looked him in the eye. "If you wouldn't let me wash your feet, you are not my friend or follower."
"Well then," Simon Peter answered, "don't stop there, wash my hands and my head, too!"
The young man said to him, "Someone who has bathed doesn't need to wash. They are completely clean, except for their feet. And you are completely clean. But not all of you."
He said this because the one who was to betray him was still among them.

When he finished, he put back on his outer garments, his everyday clothes. He returned to his place at the table. He looked at his friends. "Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me names-- Teacher, Lord. Those are true titles. But see this, if I, your Teacher and your Lord, wash your feet, you are supposed to wash each other's feet. I am giving you an example to follow, in order that you would do just as I have done to do.

paraphrase and interpretation of the writings of John in the Bible, thirteenth chapter.

Oft written buzz words resonate into nothingness.

2009-06-25T15:35:00.003-05:00

How can I work for a "sustainable" program but still be unable to give a concise definition of what sustainability is? (I need to say something more than "capable of being sustained." :P)

The word itself embodies complex concepts and ideas-- it's not a concrete thing, like "table." It's a moving target. It's a process. Do we get bent out of shape because "love" can have so many definitions? Well.. sometimes.

Just thought I would share this definiton from University of Washington. It's only half a page! But I thought it was contextual and insightful. I still dig the idea, in all of it's complexities and imperfections.

What's Cooking...

2009-06-23T21:21:00.007-05:00

Well, my CSA has delivered two weeks of fantastic produce. Tonight I tackled the stack of Collard Greens, finding a recipe from a site (www.thedailygreen.com) after my own heart. University of Illinois Extension was also really helpful for practical Collard growing and harvesting tips.

I substituted white vinegar for cider vinegar, added a hefty dose of Cayenne Pepper, and enjoyed Bacon from the University of Minnesota Meat Lab! I'll share it now...

"Smoky bacon and tangy cider vinegar are perfect complements to hearty collard greens. Rinse the greens a couple of times to remove grit.

SERVINGS
12

INGREDIENTS
6 slices bacon (about 4 ounces), cut crosswise into 1/4-inch-wide strips
1 medium onion, coarsely chopped
5 pounds collard greens, tough stems discarded, leaves coarsely chopped and rinsed, but not dried
3 tablespoons cider vinegar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper

PREPARATION
1. In 8-quart saucepot, cook bacon and onion over medium heat until onion is tender and bacon is browned, about 15 minutes, stirring occasionally.

2. Increase heat to medium-high, gradually add collard greens to saucepot, stirring until wilted. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover and cook until tender, about 10 minutes. Increase heat to medium-high, uncover and cook, stirring, until most of liquid evaporates. Stir in vinegar, salt, and pepper.

http://www.thedailygreen.com/healthy-eating/recipes/353#ixzz0JJJhzhUV&D"

I'd say it turned out pretty well. So it was a night of cathartic cooking, antioxidants galore, and accompanied by some Gospel Dub by Solomon Jabby :)
Followed up by some watering and wedding in the garden. It's looking pretty good.

Welcome to my belly

2009-06-05T13:10:00.003-05:00

I am so excited to be sharing a share of the Turnip Rock Community Supported Agriculture farm. Once a week, I'll receive a half a bushel of yummies from New Auburn, Wisconsin. There's even opportunities to volunteer on the farm. I've got my boots ready!

Service is joy

2009-05-27T08:43:00.004-05:00

"I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy." Indian Seer Poet - Rabindranath Tagore

Once in awhile, someone's email signature quote catches my eye. This one did. Thoughts about work, calling, and daily joy and rest have been swirling through my mind lately. What an endeavor-- seeking and learning how to live and love well! I want to be doing what I was made to be doing, loving God and my neighbor, and finding so much joy in it...All the rest is just details.

The power of the sun

2009-05-26T22:33:00.001-05:00

I get so excited about the untapped opportunities with solar and wind power. here's a story of how solar energy is being used in China. Very cool. And drastically powerful.. incorporating this into basic water, sanitation and food systems would move health and development forward by leaps and bounds.

RENEWABLE ENERGY: Solar evangelist brings light to remote villages (Friday, April 17, 2009)
Phil Taylor, E&E reporter

In China's mountainous Gansu province, far from the teeming cities of Shanghai and Beijing, Bob Freling watched a family switch on a light bulb for the first time.

"As the fixers were about to be plugged in, we waited breathlessly," said Freling, who was working then as Chinese-English interpreter in Taiwan. He quoted a letter from a farmer who witnessed the event 15 years ago: "In a flash, the lights came on, and as they did an old man from the village said ... 'What a beautiful sight to behold.'"

Solar panels had allowed electricity to travel far from the centralized power grid. That meant people in that village could continue activities into the night, offering a chance to improve public health, agriculture, education and commerce.

And it meant Freling, now 49 and executive director of the Washington-based nonprofit Solar Electric Light Fund, or SELF, had discovered his life's mission.

His organization has helped bring solar-powered electricity to villages in more than 20 countries on four continents. SELF runs on a $2.5 million annual budget with six full-time employees and a host of contractors -- including the United Nations, the Clinton HIV/AIDS Initiative and the Department of Energy.

For his work, Freling was recently given the King Hussein Leadership Prize -- an award whose previous recipients include the 1984 Nobel Peace Prize winner, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and the nonprofit Doctors without Borders. Jordan's Queen Noor gave Freling his award in a ceremony last month at Colorado's Aspen Institute.

His getting the award, Freling said, shows growing recognition of energy's role in battling poverty and disease.

"It says a lot about how the dots are being connected between energy and poverty and security and human rights around the world, not to mention climate change," Freling said. "Energy, especially electricity, is a foundation of modern civilization."

He added, "Think about what it would be like to live your whole life essentially groping in the dark after the sun goes down. There's very little opportunity to read or study or engage in any productive activity during the evening hours."

Without electricity, he said, there is no way to refrigerate vaccines, no practical way to irrigate crops. And connecting with the outside world is all but impossible without radios, satellite televisions or wireless communications.

Ironically, providing villagers with what Freling sees as the key to a healthier, more productive life is not expensive.

A $500 microloan can buy a 50-watt solar home system with 12-volt battery storage -- enough to power a family for decades, Freling said. And enhanced productivity in the home or on the farm allows recipients to pay their loans and allows others to buy their own power systems.

Solar is an alternative to the more common development strategy of distributing diesel generators, which are both polluting and prone to expensive breakdowns, said Freling, who grew up in Dallas and graduated from Yale University. Though it has limitations, he said, solar is gaining favor as a more sustainable solution to meeting energy needs in the developing world.

In India, for example, the Solar Electric Light Co., a for-profit company spun off by SELF in 1997, has sold more than 95,000 solar home systems through financing programs offered by local banks.
Powering the developing world

The U.N. Development Programme lists eight "millennium development goals" critical to empowering impoverished communities. Crucial to each, Freling said, is electricity.

U.N. energy specialist Stephen Gitonga agreed. Transformations in communities that gain access to electricity for the first time "are enormous by all standards," he said.

In U.N. developmental programs, electricity is a catalyst for farm production, increased commerce and market enterprise, Gitonga said. In health clinics, electricity allows for safer night deliveries of babies and contributes to improved maternal health.

Electricity can also promote gender equality where women are usually required to do the most tedious jobs, such as gathering firewood and water for crops.

"Many children, especially girls, do not attend primary schools in order to carry wood and water to meet family subsistence needs," Gitonga said. "[Electricity] thus aids transformation by creating generations of new adult women who are educated with new opportunities in the society."

One of SELF's most recent projects uses grants from a nongovernmental organization to install low-cost, solar-powered water pumps in two villages in the West African country of Benin for irrigation, enabling a women's farming cooperative to grow vegetables during the dry seasons and sell surplus produce for a profit.

The Kalale Solar Electrification Project in Benin aims to boost crop yields so future participants can repay loans with interest, creating an attractive market for micro-lenders.

"If we can demonstrate the ability of these farmers to earn enough income from the sale of this produce they can actually pay for the water pumping and the drip irrigation, then we don't need to rely on grant funding to continue," Freling said. "Our hope is that this will eventually become a new business model that can be scaled up to the private sector."

Initial results are promising, according to Stanford University's Program on Food Security and the Environment, which is monitoring the project's crop yields. Initial results suggest productivity rose nearly four times what it had been a year before in the wake of the pumps' installation.

"The Benin project has been very successful," said Jen Burney, a Stanford researcher. "The women have been making quite a bit of money, and for many of them this is the first income that they've ever earned."

Without solar-powered irrigation, the women would normally have to pump the water from a bore well and carry 5-gallon jugs for 500 meters to the field. That labor curbs what can be grown without rain -- not to mention the back-breaking labor it involves.

"When we consider the amount of land they can water now compared to then, it's 20 times the size," Burney said, "with virtually none of the labor."
'Disruptive technologies'

Of course, solar-powered irrigation is only one component of what SELF calls the "whole village model," in which solar power is extended to settlement households, clinics, schools and micro-enterprises.

The exciting thing about bringing distributed solar generation to Africa is that it is more welcomed than in much of the industrialized world, Freling said.

Studies have shown that industrialized countries have a harder time integrating intermittent solar energy, a "disruptive technology," into an existing centralized electric grid system. By contrast, developing countries with no history of electrification can more easily adapt to the technology's intermittent power.

With relatively few competing transmission systems, solar power is uniquely positioned to take a leading role in supplying the energy needs of Africa, Freling said.

"The good news is that they don't have to repeat the whole patterns of development that we went through," Freling said, referring to the developed world's reliance on fossil fuels.

"They have an opportunity to leapfrog the whole world of fossil fuels and centralized power plants," he added, "and move directly into a 20th-century economy based on clean, distributive technologies."

More Pleas

2009-05-12T16:14:00.003-05:00

My friend, some things she is grieving. It is heavy, because it is seeing. Oh, love her.

My sister, is still grieving for the people and place of her leaving. It comes in waves, with tears for days. Oh, love her.

My sister, she will be grieving. It is her eyes, she’s been believing. Always implied, and never said. That speculation I see in dread. Oh, free her.

Myself, I have been grieving. Straining by night toward a fire, in the day after a pillar of smoke. I do not know where I am going. Oh, direct me.

A prayer

2009-05-01T15:50:00.005-05:00

So sweet it is to the eye
and the serpent says
"it will satisfy"
and the head nods
"aye"
and so,
indulged inside the mind
just a little compromise,
so slight a conscience div/ide
and so,
fondled lust is fortified.

Strengthened so,
"whose to know?"
Besides-
"He didn't provide"
and the serpent sides.
And what is in the heart
sinks its roots deeper inside.

Called by name
they are profane
but in darkness
they have no name.
but in darkness
there is no shame.

There is no light of the glorious gospel of Christ.

How long, how long will you fend,
as He is crucified again?

Deceived and hardened
putting off repentance for a future uncertain.
This pleasure, is it worth more than your soul?
This fruit will surely be found foul,
a rotted core,
a thorough stink,
and you cannot assume your next blink.

Oh, man, this is no trifle
when you scorn the living God for an idol!
for a Lust
for a Body
for a Night
for acceptance so temporary.
for a Vanity.

There is no stained and alloyed life
allowed in his pure and perfect wife.

Turn now, oh heart!
Break in two!
His heart breaks for you.
Our hearts break for you.
Come home, MK.
Come back to the light.
The burden-lifting glorious gospel of Jesus Christ

Yum Yum Yum Eat Local

2009-04-30T11:51:00.004-05:00

No,
it won't save the world.
But you'll feel darn good about it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Minnesota Grown Launches Improved 2009-2010 On-line Directory

The MDA's Minnesota Grown Program just launched a new and much improved online Minnesota Grown Directory statewide directory of farms, farmers markets, orchards and others who market directly to the consumer.

The improvements make it much easier for consumers to find farms and markets in their area, get and print travel directions using Google Maps, print specific listings or to e-mail listings to friends. The new online Minnesota Grown Directory also has several enhancements for listed farms, including the ability to add a farm logo, farm picture and a thumbnail of the farm's homepage. Farms can also add special announcements and events without changing their printed listings.

Earth day does not move me like it used to

2009-04-23T20:23:00.005-05:00

I'm not sure why. I just wasn't that excited about it this year. Am I getting old and cynical and bitter? Or just a little tired of "green" canvas bags from urban outfitters? And earth salvation silver bullet headlines? I've been challenged about living out sustainability daily by a co-worker-- whether it is getting off my butt to unplug my cell phone charger when not in use, or to buy sustainably raised chicken and local vegetables when possible. I agree with these things. But do I do them? A little accountability helps.

I guess what I'm really sick of is the shallow concepts of "picking up garbage and planting trees" cause I don't need a special day to do it. I want that to be part of my lifestyle...

Until man duplicates a blade of grass, nature can laugh at his so-called scientific knowledge

2009-04-16T14:58:00.005-05:00

Says Thomas Edison. I think it's God that's laughing at the hubris of man. The more we explore, the less we know. And the more we know about the minute features of creation, the more complexity we find. But Edison had it right... our knowledge is imperfect. The linked article is a very interesting look into the unsolved mysteries of photosynthesis.

Word Cloud

2009-04-10T17:18:00.005-05:00

How cool is this?

The
possibilities
are
endless.

Marimba impressions

2009-04-01T21:40:00.005-05:00

Padre, Padre
I heard you singing
did you memorize me
behind your eyes?
friend, friend,
we have walked long
beside each other
this year-seminal-
the river crests even higher-crier-
than it ever has before.

Padre, Padre
We hear the marimba
it floats up from below
dances, hips swaying
she moves with the notes
friend, friend
throuh silence and sighs
we make our plans
Padre, Padre
we remember.

------

Four mallets, paired in hand
for percussion
a cussing-vier-out-loud
until virations
drownd out
impressions

a blush; brush; tap; bounce
a hit; slap; stab; slam;
from hush to hound
a sound becomes found
in hearts
& minds.

a hole and a cure

2009-03-05T19:55:00.004-06:00

Rick Stearns, the President of World Vision (a Christian relief organization) just published a book called "The Hole in our Gospel". His aim, in his own words, was to ask "what does God expect of us"?

A line of well-wishers lined up on his blog when he asked "do you think there is a hole in our gospel?" Yes, Mr. Stearns, you are right! I haven't read the book, so I don't know if their praise was valid. These are my thoughts....

Assets:
1. apparently there is a lot of scripture
2. the man has seen a lot of suffering but is still hopeful and persevering
3. there is a need for a Christ-centered view point to all of the social justice talk that is so in vogue
4. the recession has been a wake up call to the prosperity of the west. maybe this will dovetail on that and provide needed correction
5. the authentic gospel could potentially be shared through this book to reach unbelievers and lukwarmers with the words and life of Jesus

Concerns:
1. it will be too depressing
2. people/the church's sins and faults will be BIG, God will be small
3. I already agree that we need to meet the needs of the whole person-- and that the gospel is lacking something if it doesn't. Will it only reach an audience already aware and concerned about this?
4. skeptical about how I grow from this book if I'm already on board
5. he won't offer practical action steps: 1. repent, ask forgiveness 2. start living in the WHOLE gospel......without repentance, people could be left depressed and guilty, (which is not where the gospel leaves you, so I really hope that doesn't happen!)

Comfort:
1. books don't change people, God changes people. sometimes he uses books. may this be one of those.
2. the book of Life is the ultimate comfort and authority. The more that his people know it and live it, the further his Love will reach through us, his hands and feet.

Finale:
I probably won't read it, but I'm curious to see if there are any ripples of change from this-- I'd prefer to see waves, I guess! I would rejoice in a spiritual hurricane of repentance and grace blowing through America....and through my own heart.

Remembering

2009-02-18T17:22:00.009-06:00

Francis of Assisi, circa 1225
All creatures of our God and King
Lift up your voice and with us sing,
Alleluia! Alleluia!

Let all things their Creator bless,
And worship Him in humbleness,
O praise Him! Alleluia!

I'm so thankful for creatures. Especially pets. You share your life with them. They are present for all your days and moods, day in and day out. My cat Muiry was such a pet. He suddenly got sick last Friday. My mom thought it was hairballs-- but he kept getting weaker. So I brought him to the vet on Monday morning, and found out he was blocked with stones or crystals, so he couldn't urinate, and his system was getting toxic. They tried to unblock him and eventually succeeded, and he started to feel better. We visited him on Tuesday morning and he was delightful and purring, even with an Elizabethan collar! But Wednesday, when the catheter came out, he got plugged again. On Wednesday afternoon we said goodbye, after making the hard decision not to do a very expensive surgery. It's so hard. It's hard to be in control and making choices about life and death. It's hard to weigh financial stewardship with love and compassion- where do they meet? What is wise? Tough stuff. I just wanted to take time to remember him...and be thankful for him, too.
So cute.

I'll admit, Muiry had a belly. He loved to eat. He would come to the kitchen table and sit on your lap if you were eating. I would break up potato chips and let him eat them. He loved them! He also loved ice cream and cereal. Kind of like Garfield. But nicer.

That cat loved to be warm. We put a box over the heat vent for him to be cozy in.

"What are you looking at?" He was very curious.

He even got along with Java. That's saying a lot.

More Reclining.

Muiry was great. He was such a sweet cat. He would come and sit on your lap and purr. He was really calm and friendly-- usually-- although he hid from visitors at first and ran from loud noises. (But John's booming voice scares a lot of people.) I'm going to miss him. I first wrote about giving him a name in my blog here. It's such a privilege to give a creature a name! He was the first pet I bought with my own money, and even paid those darn vet bills! I'm really thankful to God. Muiry was a real joy, a special gift. I remember praying to find the "right" cat at the Humane Society! We went back a second time and found Muiry. And he surely brought a lot of joy to our lives.

Happy Jackson Pollock's Birthday

2009-01-28T11:18:00.005-06:00

The film may have glorified him, and his contributions to modern art may be debatable-- but it's still his birthday. Enjoy making your own Jackson here (very cool!)

Organic F$$d

2009-01-15T14:14:00.001-06:00

Very enjoyable video about buying organic....

Futility and Hope

2009-01-02T16:10:00.003-06:00

"We applied the Industrial Revolution model to the green agricultural revolution and we went a little bit too far in that direction, and now we have to back off a bit and respect the fact that the plants and the soil are biological," he said. "They are not engineering problems. They're more complex." Says Matthew Reynolds, a wheat physiologist at the Mexico-based International Maize and Wheat Improvement Center, in Mexican growers plant seeds for food revolution an article by Julie Watson in the Chronicle Herald.

We are eating the fruit of the simplified problem-solving of the green revolution, where the goal was just to grow MORE. Organic matter in soil decreased because the focus was on inputs-- hybridizing wheat genes and fertilizer (not inherently bad things), but the long-term health of the land and the people (basically, sustainability!) was not at the core of the solutions. It needs to be.

Oil prices, market speculation, bigger appetites in China and other industrializing nations all contributed to that price spike. But experts looking ahead see further trouble globally: the lag in growth of per-hectare farm output, water shortages, shifts in agricultural zones and rainfall patterns because of global warming. (Watson)

These challenges are the realities of food production in the world. They are big, complex problems. I am hopeful about using science in an integrated fashion (agroecology) to improve production and emphasizing LOCAL. Programs using technology (like GeenSeeker (below)) or techniques (Farming God's way from Care of Creation) or thoughts (like Permaculture, which is sort of an urban, small scale agriculture school of thought).

A pilot project using the GeenSeeker, a computerized sensor that scans plants’ leaves to determine how much nitrogen they need, to avoid overfertilizing. It may save him $10,000 on fertilizer for his 100 hectares, and researchers hope it eventually will cut nitrogen run-off by as much as 90 per cent. (Watson)

These ideas show that there is room for innovation, and not just despair! And above all I am thankful to God. It is by God's mercy that the earth even produces anything. We certainly don't deserve it-- the earth is cursed because of us, remember! In the shiny goodness of Christmas I forget about the curse. But then I read the newspaper, or listen to the words coming out of my mouth, and remember... above all I need to remember God's gift of Jesus Christ, BY whom and things were created and hold together, and in whom all things (and people who repent and believe on him) will be fully redeemed. That is a great hope for 2009.