Still.

'Be still my soul' and Isaiah 40:27-31 are the themes of my heart right now. It feels like I've been carrying a burden of sadness, even amidst much birthday joy and school progress. And most of the sadness comes from thinking I know what is best, and feeling disappointed when it isn't being delivered in my time table! Oh, help me to patiently wait.

Isaiah 40

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and speak, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord,
and my right is disregarded by my God”?
28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.....
31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength.

Be Still, My Soul

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

A true happiness.

I've been realizing, through my reading, through friend's facebook posts, through conversations- I've drifted from the basics. Maybe due to business, neglect...laziness. But this quote in my email this morning was refreshing.


What else does this craving and this helplessness proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself. -Blaise Pascal


I feel like my needs are manageable, and that I can manage them! Oh, how wrong I am. My needs are never-ending. Now that the semester is finished, I don't feel as happy and content as I thought I would! I am still discontent. Let this dis-contentedness drive me to the Source that can fill me- the only unending and unchanging Source of joy.

Redeemed only by love

I take literally the statement in the Gospel of John that God loves world. I believe that the world was created and approved by love, that it subsists, coheres, and endures by love, and that, insofar as it is redeemable, it can be redeemed only by love. I believe that divine love, incarnate and indwelling in the world, summons the world always toward wholeness, which ultimately is reconciliation and atonement with God.
-Wendell Berry

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

“There is a difference between American and Latvian women.”

Really? “What it is it?” I wondered aloud during my weekly ESL conversation.

“Well,” began my friend, with his Baltic accent, “It is that American women, and even Russian girls who have been here for awhile, seem to disrespect men.”

“Oh.” I nodded my head, with a slightly furrowed brow.

This isn’t everyone, he assured me, but as I thought more about it, I thought to myself “it’s most of them.” And I am a guilty party. I’ve ridden the current feminism for a long time, and it isn’t entirely in vain. Men can abuse and oppress and disrespect women. But it goes both ways, and female disrespect seems to be a more subtle and culturally acceptable behavior- in fact it’s common. Whether it’s an eye-roll, a condescending remark, or blatant criticism, I’ve heard it, and I’ve done it.

This has just got me thinking…and realizing I am imperfect and failing- and need to confess, repent, and accept forgiveness. This also makes me want to have a renewed, redeemed, reclaimed vision of what a man is, and I want to respect it. I want to honor God in all my attitudes and actions, including respecting men. Even respecting men who are not worthy of respect, and doing so not out of manipulation or solvency, but out of obedience. For Christ’s sake.

I long to see more expressions of true manhood, with men fulfilling living out their maleness for God’s glory! (Same for females, too.) But a godly guy- a real leader- kind of makes a girl’s heart melt. It’s kind of the feeling that…this is the way it’s supposed to be.

Suffering

There is in every life a cup of suffering. Jesus Christ referred to His agony in the Garden of Gethsemane and at Calvary as His cup. And had it not overflowed with His life poured out for men, we would have perished.

What a picture of my Master, sharing the wine, the very life blood of His own suffering from His overflowing cup, poured out at Calvary for me. He is there with me in every storm. My Shepherd is alert to every approaching disaster that threatens His people. He had been through the storms of sufferings before. He bore our sorrows and was acquainted with our grief. And now no matter what storms I face, His very life and strength and vitality is poured into mine. It overflows so the cup of my life runs over with His life...often with great blessings and benefit to others who see me and stand up so well in the midst of trials and suffering.

A Shepherd Looks At Psalm 23, by Phillip Keller (p. 123-124.)

Music of the Dance

For roommate night, we enjoyed the Northwestern College Faculty Artist Series, and heard Flutist Michele Frisch and her ensemble with Harpist Kathy Kienzle, the 'Bell Alma Duo, perform a wonderful show. Operatic, ballet and dance music by long gone composers was re-invigorated and sometimes re-arranged for flute and harp (with special guest viola). It echoed through Nazareth Chapel and inspired the words below...and we topped off St. Patrick's Day night with Shamrock shakes. Bravo!

Mario Broeders, Three Pieces for Flute and Harp

Marble blushes

with the thought

that marble's maker

should be sought

sold, traitored, hung.

Marble's maker crushed

and life re-begun.

Serge Prokofiev, Morning Serenade (Aubade) from the ballet Romeo and Juliet

I sing in the morning,

I dance,

spring up though one sleeps

veiled in cold death.

Through her window, does her heart beat to my song?

I am greatly distressed,

she does not join me,

'ere long,

never to join again.

Aram Khachaturian, Adagio of Spartacus and Phrygia, from the ballet Spartacus

Led down long and dusty path, minutes left.

Longing, violence awaits.

These hands shackled,

oh but to- would it be better?-

I shudder the thought but fear your fate

my love, my love.

I see her no more
and quietly plot

stoic face until my jailer rewards himself with a draught,

and slashed, his head

hangs, where is she stayed?

Find her I must- help!-

Cloaked, with bribe money spent,

and another fool lays dead.

And my beloved in my arms,

we are fled.

Alexander Glazunov, Petite Adagio from the ballet the Seasons

Blessed bliss of seasons turne

Forgotten not the summer lark song,
Along side a frost-bittten burn,

Which winter's shade shall spurn,
Then, wings to spring and mark,

summer's fern.

When autumn komt,
Ich weiss nicht vergessen,

Red leaves and crisp air press in

to escort the frost, the ice, the snow

the clouded sky, the north country blow,

for surely waiting brings blessed fruit,

and from deepest sorrow shoots happy root

All bourne from Creator's lute.

Joseph Lauber, Quarte Danses Medievales, Op. 45

Such a clarion call

to beauty's spell

a chill in the air

yet spring's blossom smell

assures self of hope

'neath the March of snow;

of life beyond death's hold,

of a perish-less frame beyond this decay,

of unstained garments beyond this day's pains.

M. Roesgen-Champion, Danse Rituelle

Silver wand,

mirth maker.

Golden bow,

earth shaker.

You hum and resonate,

you call and herald fate!

(Is this not heaven, endless tunes to praise His name?)

Manuel de Falla, Spanish Dance No. 1 from the opera La Vida Breve

Her heart, broke.

She died.

I hope he carries that

grief all the days of his life.

Wo to the man

Happy 100th Anniversary of International Woman's Day! Last year I attended an event for International Woman's day the theme was on women and water. This year the theme was 'women and hunger.' I attended an "Interactive Hunger Banquet" sponsored by Oxfam. I went with two great friends and even saw previous professors and my old boss!

A highlight was hearing a Haitian farmer share her passion for self-sufficiency related to food. Jacqueline doesn't want handouts, she wants partners. She wants Haiti to be independent from Foreign aid. I was struck by how crazy it would be if Canada or England had many workers across Minnesota giving us grants and providing food and medical services. What are the effects of dependency, when capacity isn't built for locals to do it themselves? It's just deeper spirals of dependency.

Jacqueline started a farming cooperative that works together to take care of each other and improve the land. (And this is SO NEEDED for a nation such as Haiti- the statistics are unfathomable).

The broader plea was for women to be at the center of any food solution (as primary food growers and preparers.) Leaving women out of that discussion is disastrous. And often, due to lack of education and political powers that be, women aren't in the discussion.

The Hunger banquet was interesting. We (along with the majority of other young folks) were in the 60% "poor" group. We sat on the floor and ate a meal of unseasoned rice. 25% of the "middle class" sat in chairs and ate a meal of beans and rice. And 15% of the "rich" ate at tables and had salads, bread, and pasta. We literally left the banquet hungry*! But the impression was made. We are among a privileged who live in abundance. And I am grateful. I want to live in a way that recognizes this- that isn't gluttonous, but strategic. And I want to serve in a way that empowers farmers like Jacqueline- I want my nation to give aid in that way- and doesn't trap people in cycles of dependence.

I think Oxfam's work, especially on a political/policy level is important. But this talk encouraged me to keep moving towards working with development and bringing real change to people's livelihoods. Perhaps with Food for the Hungry or ECHO, or Care of Creation... groups that are combining the daily bread we need to conquer hunger with the deeper, spiritual bread we need to be truly satisfied.

*Note: We also promptly used our blessed resources to buy frozen pizzas and french bread and chocolate and feast together :)