Love like a...

I'm overflowing now, just typing words right into the night.
The footballers are balling. My to-do list is calling.
The bee-sting is still swelling. Thoughts welling.

Thoughts about new technology,
Androids and iphones,
Always connected, but never really knowing.
Seeing the updates and moving on to the next newsfeed.
Wandering rabbit trails,
It's glued to my hand now, invisa-shield and all.
Is it a time-saver delusion or obvious inefficiency?

I'm still burdened by lists and expectations,
Self-righteous proclamations
And worrying and wondering what others think.
Stop.
Drink.

When you're overflowing, when the words are coming,
they don't have to be perfect, so full of meaning.
A depth beyond believing.

Girl, you are just learning.
Just living.
Just a 27-year-old breathing.
Waking up each day.
And failing.
Not saying the right things / waiting impatiently.
Judging / rehearsing the debt in my head.
And, oh, that uncertain future.
Instead of rehearsing the truth!
Instead of the good news.
Switch.
Repent.

Rehearse, speak, live and believe the Truth.
His hands set you free.
His blood washes you clean.
His love is so full right now, for you, even you.
It's bursting.
It's like a mango dripping down your chin,
as you stand and laugh and bite in again.
It's the warmth of a wool yurt and a fire,
the feeling of being home
and safe
and known.

Food Citizens

Fred Kirchenmann is someone I really respect. I heard him speak once, and I remember re-reading my notes and just being in awe of his prophetic and visionary words about our food system and being food citizens. (If you eat, you're a food citizen!) He just got a fancy award (article here) for his hard work.

He says about the future food system, "This will need to be a food system that functions more like wild nature, which operates on sunlight, and on self-renewing and self-regulating biological synergies. This means that everyone in each local ecosystem - farmers, researchers, politicians, consumers, ordinary people - will need to become engaged as 'food citizens' to design food systems that function well in these new circumstances in each watershed."

Here's another quote from the article: "My father somehow understood that the devastation of the Dust Bowl was not just about the weather, but also about the way farmers farmed, and he was determined that, 'That was never, ever, going to happen to his land again,'" he said. "So he inculcated a land ethic in me at a very young age. Later when I first entered a career in higher education, I was introduced to organic agriculture by a student of mine and based on research he had done, pointed out to me how dramatically soil health could be improved with good organic management practices. That eventually led me to decide to go back to our farm in North Dakota to convert it to an organic farm to restore the biological health of our soils." That's a cool combination of wisdom, values, heritage, all of which he applied through his life.

I want to be like that.

Fred spent time with the lovely Leopold Center and currently runs the Stone Barns Center for Food and Agriculture in Pocantico Hills, N.Y, where I hope he continues to make a big impact on our needy world.

A new call to Trust

Trust Him, that words will come.

Trust Him, every tear is bottled.

Trust Him, that no stroke of the pen is wasted, it is living and active, it will accomplish.

Trust Him, that suffering is building endurance, character, and hope.

Trust Him, when words fail and apologies are needed.

Trust Him, for wrongs of omission and choosing.

Trust is needed

as steps of faith

follow an unseen Shepherd
down a narrow way.

Trust Him,

when Kijabe wind sweeps

dust into crevices [weaknesses]

I'd rather leave untouched.

Trust Him with seeing.

Knowing,

where am I going that lacks your breadth, height, depth?

Amidst itching, grief and confusion,
pity at suffering

and anger at injustice,

You are near.

Humbling critics

Writing a proposal allows me to find out how poorly I write. In an earlier draft I wrote that the “results found that xxx.”

Which made sense to me, in my head…and luckily my adviser and reviewer extraordinaire pointed out “results don’t find. Researchers find or results show.” Of course! Got it. On to another humbling track changes comment! 

(And there is no point in scrutinizing this blog post for good writing, or any of them for that matter! This is a critic free venue! Not that I disdain the critics or the edits. I need them. They just sting. A bit. And was over-achieving, I would grab Peace Like a River and take solace in a quote from Swede about writing and critics to share with you...)

Putting Everything

Most men are not satisfied with the permanent output of their lives. Nothing can wholly satisfy the life of Christ within his followers except the adoption of Christ’s purpose toward the world he came to redeem. Fame, pleasure and riches are but husks and ashes in contrast with the boundless and abiding joy of working with God for the fulfillment of his eternal plans. The men who are putting everything into Christ’s undertaking are getting out of life its sweetest and most priceless
rewards.

J. Campbell White Quoted in When the Darkness Does Not Lift.

Still.

'Be still my soul' and Isaiah 40:27-31 are the themes of my heart right now. It feels like I've been carrying a burden of sadness, even amidst much birthday joy and school progress. And most of the sadness comes from thinking I know what is best, and feeling disappointed when it isn't being delivered in my time table! Oh, help me to patiently wait.

Isaiah 40

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and speak, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord,
and my right is disregarded by my God”?
28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.....
31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength.

Be Still, My Soul

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

A true happiness.

I've been realizing, through my reading, through friend's facebook posts, through conversations- I've drifted from the basics. Maybe due to business, neglect...laziness. But this quote in my email this morning was refreshing.


What else does this craving and this helplessness proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself. -Blaise Pascal


I feel like my needs are manageable, and that I can manage them! Oh, how wrong I am. My needs are never-ending. Now that the semester is finished, I don't feel as happy and content as I thought I would! I am still discontent. Let this dis-contentedness drive me to the Source that can fill me- the only unending and unchanging Source of joy.