Void//Voice

Try to suppress the unmasking

Frailness of identity

My mind, it wanders sometimes,

Like vertigo,

And my name slips away,

This place, certificates, meanings and memories fade,

And it feels like oblivion, like annihilation

That I will cease to exist

Am I, and

was I ever

(never)

really real?

Who is this,

What is this faint blurring wonder

Interwoven threads

Tearing

Reality

Woken dream

Scaring

Do you know this, have you felt this

Lostness?

Steady state  // Gone

Grip              // Loosened

Way             // Quenched

What I know or knew or thought I knowed

‘They're an illusion to me now’

Is it? Is it.

Its P a s s i n g,

And it’s gone

And I know my name

And I cry to YaH,

Don’t lose me Awe,

Don’t let me go,

Too deep

In/Beside

Loose the Whys

Fade  

[I] am not… Ceasing

Cemetery’s Seismic Void

Still hurling in space,

Alive to chase

to breathe to

Be

Frailty, hear this,

YOU ARE,

Quickened.

Every space has an unseen indentation

Though you do not now see

the lasting city

the non-blind cry out

to who was and is and ever will be

 

I AM.

Slate. Expose. Found. Free.

The mask,

I put it on too.

I've hid behind 

A semblance to slate the aching emptiness 

Let the fake subside

Cast it off 

1. "no one else feels like I do"

2. "it's just me that's broken"

3. "everyone is well"

Expose! the! Lies! 

Weaker, fearless, admitting,

yes I'm just holding it together 

//

Exit the fool's route,

crawling through wisdom's gate.

You, my Haven

Walls fall, because you surround.

Step Outside

Step Outside

Don’t lament.

The tomb of concrete spreadsheets will rake your soul,

but the barren tracks will be uprooted into flourishing.

Step outside.

The light will cascade off of ice crystals as the flame subsides its quest,

vanquished yet unconquered.

Listen.

Whispering grass underneath the shadowed limbs

sunken roots, deep and abiding.

Rejoice.

The thaw will awaken the unseen miracles

carrying messages of hope into another day.

Moments

It's a night in concrete walls, 

The sun's rays warmth has long left

And it seems to harbor the cold and darkness

There's garbage in the corner, a soiled table cloth, old cans and cracked dishes, a broken basket, an empty motor oil container, a rusted shovel, leaves blown in by the wind.

There's pain deep and gnawing,

Fresh and piercing, like the babe's cries as she entered the world,

The pillows were drenched in tears across the tide.

To be unseen, unnoticed in the most subtle shades.

A decade of dying in a thousand ways.

Even the closest ones eyes are dim to the fathomless grief.

The investment in a new hope, 

The heart displayed in fragrant beauty, only to be billowed against the seas- placid one moment and tempestuous the next. The blossom battered, hanging on.

Your moments...

Your moments are important to me.

The silent tears and ache, I see. 

I enter the room and light invades, 

broom in hand and garbage bag, bending low, a steady shoulder and arm to hold,

Loving kindness standing and seeing. 

This moment,

Redemption seeping into every crack and sore,

A rich, covering grace,

Sustaining. 

The shadow of turning has cut the room in half, which side I stand in changes everything.

We are shaped by words

These words I read or hear, every day of my life. These words I write and paint and meditate on.

These are my life, really, these words. The Word.

Words that sand away the rough edges, erode the weak banks, and pierce between the sinews.

Some words burn with love and fire, how beautiful is your love! I am your husband!

Some words convict with tears and weeping; who will open the scrolls! There is leaven of the Pharisees in my heart!

Some words scare me, and I feel guilt. You will give account for every word you say, if you ignored the hungry, the naked, the imprisoned, so you ignored me.

How refreshing, how enthralling, how fearfully and wonderfully made!

My heart is stirred and I respond with a noble theme to His words, with words.

'Gram Words

Words grow where there is room, filling cracks like dust. Dust becomes soil, and seeds can take root.

Some words from Instagram:

Soul's rest in beauty found,
whether ink or drink or ground.
Give me eyes so I might right see,
and resound in praise for Thee.

9.21.17
Summer's ebb is filled with sweetness.
Equinox drums, quenching brightness.
The dying orb, it catches sorrow,
with jibe and tack,
until stars are wrestled awake
and the wake is stilled,
tucks us into rest.

4.14.17
That Passover evening long ago,
the day of trial, torture, angry blows.
Forsaken pride and giving up;
that final breath.
Profound, mysterious, in flesh,
God met death.

3.23.17
Faintly frozen, sunrise beckons.

2.26.17
Parts of my life in sun, parts in shadow.
Overcome me with grace.

2.13.17
beauty in the breakdown/winter's ebb

1.22.17
Hear the sound of rushing water.
Spring fed creek on Gideon Pond's site next to the Refuge.
Reminder that things move underneath the surface, that God answers eagle visit prayers,
and their song is echoes and cascades of water and laughter.

11.12.16
Sometimes I have no words. I go and put my hand on the trunk of a tree that is older than my 32 years and will live beyond my 80-odd years. I take a breath, and then another.
I pray.
I cry.
I try to trust in someone I can't see, whom I believe and have staked my life on,
who is not confused by the swirling, mad times.
And still the tree is there, respiring, and I'm here, breathing,
and I'm saying and singing that I will be thankful.

8.4.16
Fear collapses, friendship bearing the weight of a human heart.

7.27.16
A time for war, battles and weariness;
a time for peace, healing, restoration.
At the river we waited,
beside the life-giving wonder we rested,
spontaneous and right. 

7.10.16
The blossoms hung,
strung with twine.
Above a stream of passing time.

6.25.16 [haiku]
Ripe, full drupes
Delight tongue and
eyes orbs of beauty

5.31.16
#forgetmenot
never forgotten by the One who sees,
my name grave in his hand

5.22.16
Waking life/light at dusk
remembers whispers swaying,
kneeling blue embers.

5.4.16
the magenta globes dance above the river before opening,
the flourish before death to spread life.

4.15.16
The great light seen (simply reflecting).
The lesser lights stream, arching a pathway.
Will you look up or will you just follow?

4.3.16
Buds creep in the midst of death, push through decay to the light.
#crocus

5.5.16
 "Are you not from everlasting, O Lord my God, my Holy One? We shall not die." Habakkuk 1:12
The body gone from earthly sight,
the laughter heard no more.
With new eyes and heavenward gaze we have hope forevermore.
Noelle Buller is alive!
Today we celebrate her earthly life.

4.18.15
Prepared you have my heart,
set ablaze to gaze
at yours.

Gratitude for a new wind: the Miracle

The  W i n d   that   b  l  e  w   in
gentle and kind
the favor of love;
destroying fear, chasing life.
A new hope,
a change
o u t   of the pit and into the flame.

---
What heart was hardened, darkened,
a room unopened, musty, hidden.
How did it happen, when was it opened?
Who cleaned it out, what word was spoken?
We don't know but we see it;
we see the fruit of change and believe it
and we thank You cause we needed it.
We thank You cause you knew it.

---
You give life
You are Love
You bring Light to the Darkness
You give hope
You restore 
Every Heart that is broken
Great are You, Lord
-All Sons and Daughters