All I can do is hold out my heart.

All I can do is hold out my heart.

I hold it out with fear and trembling, the longing heavy and unfulfilled for so long. 

Like a sack of dry soil.

What may be desert barrenness in the eyes of the world

I believe hides thousands of seeds.

Seeds of life and hope and believing.

Oh, let the rain come.

I still hold out my heart.

It is a flame of fire, unquenchable, sealed with a promise.

Deep crying out to deep, a source and an answer.

I hope in my heart.

I fervently press in and anchor my eyes on the hills.

Not to the mirror, not to my plans and schemes.

Not to the ways my imagination entreats.

I look beyond myself to my Father who hears, who deeply cares for me. This I trust and try
            to cement, to endure, to stand on.

All I can do is hold out my heart.

           I keep my love on for God and for the trespassers. I hold onto it for myself in the midst of

           failure. 

           I hold onto it with joy and perseverance, when the sun is long hid behind clouds, knotting  

           down, and moon haunts the shadows for fear it will not find its way home. 

I hold out my heart.

Void//Voice

Try to suppress the unmasking

Frailness of identity

My mind, it wanders sometimes,

Like vertigo,

And my name slips away,

This place, certificates, meanings and memories fade,

And it feels like oblivion, like annihilation

That I will cease to exist

Am I, and

was I ever

(never)

really real?

Who is this,

What is this faint blurring wonder

Interwoven threads

Tearing

Reality

Woken dream

Scaring

Do you know this, have you felt this

Lostness?

Steady state  // Gone

Grip              // Loosened

Way             // Quenched

What I know or knew or thought I knowed

‘They're an illusion to me now’

Is it? Is it.

Its P a s s i n g,

And it’s gone

And I know my name

And I cry to YaH,

Don’t lose me Awe,

Don’t let me go,

Too deep

In/Beside

Loose the Whys

Fade  

[I] am not… Ceasing

Cemetery’s Seismic Void

Still hurling in space,

Alive to chase

to breathe to

Be

Frailty, hear this,

YOU ARE,

Quickened.

Every space has an unseen indentation

Though you do not now see

the lasting city

the non-blind cry out

to who was and is and ever will be

 

I AM.

Slate. Expose. Found. Free.

The mask,

I put it on too.

I've hid behind 

A semblance to slate the aching emptiness 

Let the fake subside

Cast it off 

1. "no one else feels like I do"

2. "it's just me that's broken"

3. "everyone is well"

Expose! the! Lies! 

Weaker, fearless, admitting,

yes I'm just holding it together 

//

Exit the fool's route,

crawling through wisdom's gate.

You, my Haven

Walls fall, because you surround.

Step Outside

Step Outside

Don’t lament.

The tomb of concrete spreadsheets will rake your soul,

but the barren tracks will be uprooted into flourishing.

Step outside.

The light will cascade off of ice crystals as the flame subsides its quest,

vanquished yet unconquered.

Listen.

Whispering grass underneath the shadowed limbs

sunken roots, deep and abiding.

Rejoice.

The thaw will awaken the unseen miracles

carrying messages of hope into another day.