And I cried out in my journal, writing: "Lord, I have so much angst about this crush. Oh Lord. What is your heart? What do you want to say or do?" And He pointed me right to verse 8. It is I who answer and look after you. I am like an evergreen cypress; from me comes your fruit.
Yes, my God is like a tree whose branches never whither, who is strong and rooted, a shelter, unchanging. Who answers and supplies and cares for. Exactly what I need. He said more. Wow! My God speaks comforting words to my soul.
Him: "No. No. Not that crush right now. Rest your eyes on me, stop straining. Christine, I will promote my purposes in you, do not fear."
Me: "Should I try online dating again? Should I do something to help solve this single situation?"
Him: "You don't have the capacity to that now. If you are looking for something to fill the idle unsatisfied part of you, that's not it. Your email isn't it. PRAISE IS. Sing me songs. Write me letters. Praise my name deeply from your heart. In that is rest. I am not silent. I am always speaking. Like the dew comes EVERDAY (I will be like the dew to Israel, verse 5) so I have Rama/mana everyday for you. Why do you rush our time together? What is more important? I will bring an end to you, so that you experience the FULL of ME that you desire. I am satisfied in you, Christine. I am always full of love for you. I chose you. I adopted you. I covenanted my love with you. I promised you to be there, and I will always be there. I will never abandon you. Forsaking is not in my nature. While others have abandoned you, I will not. I will heal you and make your name great and glorify myself. I will manifest my power through you and not depart from our covenant, only stay true to me. Pour out your heart each day, or you will wilt. You will dry up like the pasture and be barren. I am your fruit. Treasure Hosea 14.
Call on my name!
Call on my Name!!
Call on My Name!!!
Call on me, Christine. Call on me. I am HE."
Me: "I fear you will not be enough.
I fear I am undesirable and will never bear fruit.
I fear I will be alone and forgotten."
Him: "Think of my heart, unable to forget, like a nursing mother. Think of my love that burns with passionate desire for my bride. Think of who I am making you. I WILL NOT FORSAKE THE WORK OF MY HANDS. It is my delight! It is my prize! It is my pride and joy! I will not. Is my arm shortened, that it cannot save? Is my soul pinched, that it cannot love?
I AM.
I AM.
I AM.
I am full of love always, overflowing, with singing, dancing delight for my people who choose me and call on me. You are barren without me. Apart from me you can do nothing.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you."
I blogged this journal entry to remind myself- this is a real person, this God is a real person who speaks through His Spirit living in me. This is what I believe and want to believe more. Help my unbelief, Lord! Help me hear your voice and share and love out of the overflow, these realities.
