The first writing.

The first writing.

When? In time.

Where: In the garden?

Where: On the tablet?

What: A road sign, a cornerstone, an emperor’s name, the word’s of a god?

Which: language, script?

How: Sand, stick? Crushed berries, stone? Rock, bark? 

By whom, for whom? Who carved it into stone or painted it on the cave or dug it deep into a tree, who saw this act, permanently impermanent?

Blizzard Breakthrough

Yesterday was a bonafide blizzard. We got 10.7 inches over the course of the day. My 25 minute commute became two hours with about four-five inches on the ground. It took an hour to drive one mile get to the freeway, and then an hour to drive the freeway and to get home. I also didn't have my phone to be able to get "live" reports on traffic routes. I just was driving by the seat of my pants :) (I probably should have left my car in the parking lot and taken the bus!)

I sat on one hill for more than 10 minutes without moving an inch, and I found that I started praising... suddenly I was just saying "thank you Lord, highway 94 is moving, so Robert street will move too, you are opening up the freeway, thank you Lord, thank you Jesus, things are moving, we are going forward, thank you Lord!"

And suddenly the traffic moved.

After being at a standstill, the cars started moving. I couldn't believe it! But another part of me could. I am in a season of pressing in through prayer, and I am seeing answers. HE is moving at the sound of my voice. It's amazing, and it's what He promised in His word. People have literally had words come out of their mouth that I prayed for them in secret. It's wild. It's surpassing my expectations. Because that's who my God is, He's a wild one! Surpassing my expectations, inspiring and prompting prayer on Robert Street so I can see with my own eyes the answer, the breakthrough!

Bring more Lord! More breakthrough, deliverance, salvation, the answers we are contending for. These requests we are making known, we are asking in your name, YOU WILL DO IT. In your power and might, do what we cannot do, send your breakthrough Oh Lord. Send it Lord. In Jesus' Might Name, for the cause of justice and uprightness, send Your Spirit, Pour out on us. Amen.

All I can do is hold out my heart.

All I can do is hold out my heart.

I hold it out with fear and trembling, the longing heavy and unfulfilled for so long. 

Like a sack of dry soil.

What may be desert barrenness in the eyes of the world

I believe hides thousands of seeds.

Seeds of life and hope and believing.

Oh, let the rain come.

I still hold out my heart.

It is a flame of fire, unquenchable, sealed with a promise.

Deep crying out to deep, a source and an answer.

I hope in my heart.

I fervently press in and anchor my eyes on the hills.

Not to the mirror, not to my plans and schemes.

Not to the ways my imagination entreats.

I look beyond myself to my Father who hears, who deeply cares for me. This I trust and try
            to cement, to endure, to stand on.

All I can do is hold out my heart.

           I keep my love on for God and for the trespassers. I hold onto it for myself in the midst of

           failure. 

           I hold onto it with joy and perseverance, when the sun is long hid behind clouds, knotting  

           down, and moon haunts the shadows for fear it will not find its way home. 

I hold out my heart.

Void//Voice

Try to suppress the unmasking

Frailness of identity

My mind, it wanders sometimes,

Like vertigo,

And my name slips away,

This place, certificates, meanings and memories fade,

And it feels like oblivion, like annihilation

That I will cease to exist

Am I, and

was I ever

(never)

really real?

Who is this,

What is this faint blurring wonder

Interwoven threads

Tearing

Reality

Woken dream

Scaring

Do you know this, have you felt this

Lostness?

Steady state  // Gone

Grip              // Loosened

Way             // Quenched

What I know or knew or thought I knowed

‘They're an illusion to me now’

Is it? Is it.

Its P a s s i n g,

And it’s gone

And I know my name

And I cry to YaH,

Don’t lose me Awe,

Don’t let me go,

Too deep

In/Beside

Loose the Whys

Fade  

[I] am not… Ceasing

Cemetery’s Seismic Void

Still hurling in space,

Alive to chase

to breathe to

Be

Frailty, hear this,

YOU ARE,

Quickened.

Every space has an unseen indentation

Though you do not now see

the lasting city

the non-blind cry out

to who was and is and ever will be

 

I AM.

Slate. Expose. Found. Free.

The mask,

I put it on too.

I've hid behind 

A semblance to slate the aching emptiness 

Let the fake subside

Cast it off 

1. "no one else feels like I do"

2. "it's just me that's broken"

3. "everyone is well"

Expose! the! Lies! 

Weaker, fearless, admitting,

yes I'm just holding it together 

//

Exit the fool's route,

crawling through wisdom's gate.

You, my Haven

Walls fall, because you surround.

Step Outside

Step Outside

Don’t lament.

The tomb of concrete spreadsheets will rake your soul,

but the barren tracks will be uprooted into flourishing.

Step outside.

The light will cascade off of ice crystals as the flame subsides its quest,

vanquished yet unconquered.

Listen.

Whispering grass underneath the shadowed limbs

sunken roots, deep and abiding.

Rejoice.

The thaw will awaken the unseen miracles

carrying messages of hope into another day.