To take time
For myself;
Selfish?
Or self-filling
Myself,
I think, but would rather act
Feel or forget
This self
In the flakes swirling in the air like gusts of a down pillow
Like sifting powdered sugar
Like an overturned salt shaker releasing a river.
Some find this easy,
Their inner world is their retreat
I've always needed permission to stop
And when I do, it's hard to get going
And then I'm useless, right,
Not producing?
Also, it doesn't feel safe in this space
Far safer keep moving
Guarded from the questioning,
Restless incessant evaluating.
I want to, and
perhaps am
s l o w l y learning
{it's a painful journey}
To look into myself
And see
The worth and the beauty
Imperfect but worthy
In just being.
s
s
e
r
g
o
r
To process the p
But
God, help me.
More comes, the inches accumulate
Record-setting,
The weather reader delights in the forecast
Bundles up, trudging where there was no path
The waymaking takes time.
By design
And in this season
'Nee April blizzards
I'm learning to accept that.
