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Saturday, October 07, 2023

Raw laments

Rumbles
Buildings shaking, 

A stutter, 
a shuttering tremble 

Oh God
Protect; provide

It sounds like thunder/It sounds like fireworks 
It sounds like fear/It sounds like revenge

Alert; sirens
An unstopping ping of 'Tzofer' notifications

The external/internal alarm sounds 
Resounding

Where can I go?
To where can we run?

It is terror without and within,
Unrelenting.

Your face, Adonai, do I seek.
Your heart, El, do I long to know.

Who sees the fearful sheep with mercy
I'm so sad, I'm so sorry.

I'm lamenting we're in this position of futility
The rupture of humanity at enmity.

Do I want you, or do I want peace?
In my body and mind, one breath at a time.

In the end I will not regret 
One moment I've spent with you.

It's not that panic doesn't come
It's that the body can cycle and resolve back into safety.

All we want is resolution
Re/solve me 

In one night, everything changes. We laughed, breaking bread
Today we are stricken, afflicted by fear. But do we really change?

In between the psalms of sirens (Cycling Psalms 27, 33, 69, 91)
I do laundry.

So confused how "they" are so indignant 
Rallying prayer "we are under attack" 

Did you not invite this attack with your assaults, oppression, harassment? 
With the blood of their sons in "your" streets? 

No one deserves to live in fear;
The child in Gaza is also afraid.

Am I too the enemy? 
Yes, I am/against this. 

When I wept with the slaughtered; Gaza, Nablus, Jenin, 
When I've feared with the settlers, the IDF, the Oleem. 

Lord have mercy, we all like sheep have gone astray.
How much (coma hesed/במה חסד) grace [do you have]? 

Endless; 
Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world.